Thinking Space

Finally an Update

2009-02-06T23:30:00.000-08:00

Maybe it's time to post an update here (finally).

I've been really, really busy with my life here, and frankly, I don't know if I can recount all the bliss moments, as well as the down moments, I've had these past few months. Only one month has passed, and I feel so MUCH has happened.

Wherever I'll be going from now on, is now up to the Father. I'll just be here trying to be the best that I can be.

I secretly long for the days where the words that I would type in an entry would just come so naturally. Alas, those days may be long gone (or just in hiatus). It's kinda hard to get super inspired in an internet cafe full of people, you know.

Nevertheless, I'll probably be posting something of great value to me soon. Yes, of great value. It may very well sum up everything that I've done that I haven't blogged about yet.

Valentine's Day is next week! Hehe. I've already planned out all the gifts I'll give to people. Hehehe. Sana ganun din ako ka OC sa studies ko, ngeks! Ang weird lang is I'll be in Sagada for AP 12 (GE ko) stuff on the 14th. Yeay! I'll be celebrating love with indigenous people! Yeah! So, the gifts may be given out during the 12th, 13th or the 14th (through another person...with love, parin naman, hehe)

UP Fair din next week (I can't go to LoveRage, hehe...kasi nga may Sagada stuff)

Also Kalai Week is the next week after that. (Wacky Day! Acoustic Night! Open House!). Hehe, I've already bought half of my attire for wacky day. I'm also excited for the open house. Finally, I get to see the "other" rooms (Yung rooms raw ng mga super vain jan. *ahemahem*). Also, you can see my room (B315) din! You'll get free barya, hehe. But, I'll be locking my closet up. Also, if I borrowed something from you and never returned it: then it's probably somewhere in my room!

Also, my birthday's coming up! I'll be 18 already. Whoo. All I can think of are all the responsibilities I'll be inheriting. Man, am I nervous. But rest assured, I'll get over it.

BTW: The best birthday gift anyone special to me (who's not in close enough proximity to me) can give is: A call. Just a simple little call greeting me a happy birthday, and you'll make my day (or my year, for that matter)

My heart is still very much in Davao City and I still think of all the people I care about there.When I come back, sana magkwentuhan naman tayo (ang rami kong makwento, haha!) I miss you guys! I'll always be praying for you.

I leave you now with my favorite beatitude (ganun ba spelling?)

"Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God"
Matthew 5:8

The End of A Dream

2008-12-06T14:16:00.000-08:00

You are my Breaking Dawn

2008-08-23T01:47:00.000-07:00

(Note: This doesn't have anything to do with the book - at all).

Whenever I wake up, I always want to see your eyes staring and making holes in my own eyes. Today, your eyelids seem to protect your dreams. I take one last look at your closed eyes and move on to your lips, which curved and made a smile. I lean and place a light peck on them.

You had always been a dreamer and I knew better than to disturb you from your personal musings.

Outside, wisps of orange were fighting the black shroud of the Night for the rightful place on top of the sky. I decide to go outside.

The boy woke up early that day. He was a spectator, watching the battle of the breaking dawn unfold. The arrogant Dark went up against the noble Light. It was the most beautiful of battles yet the boy knew that this was only one of many in the waged war. Darkness will always battle light. Yet battles were rarely seen. The boy felt lucky to at least see part of one of those battles.

His soul was not conflicted and his passions were deceivingly simple during the dawn. The Light gave those who were lucky enough to see the battle what they wanted; which is to see a miracle unfold.

Although his soul was not conflicted, it burned of a passion only known to him as love. He carefully fondled his passion and perfected his method of management. He knew how to be calm and how to be passionate. His love was for only one girl – the dreamer. There were no promises made between them for the girl did not know of his passion. The only promises made were to him – he vowed that his passion will always be dedicated to the lovely dreamer. The boy had always surmised that the girl knew of his passions but did not tell him – she had a wild imagination, after all. He had always hoped that his guilty pleasures did not prove to be ludicrous.

His eyes sparkled – he knew something was going to happen. He felt a hand take his own hand. That was when he heard the most beautiful of sounds – the whisper of a dreamer.

“The miracle’s about to happen”

This morning, I am able to witness that same battle I saw many years ago. It was at dawn that I first felt the texture of your hands. It was at dawn that I knew my guilty pleasures were far from ludicrous. At dawn, promises were made and souls were connected by the passion only known to him as love.

Those spectacular battles of the breaking dawn I have witnessed had taught me how to fight for that passion. They taught me how to manage it while still enjoying it. For what comes from the passion is more beautiful than any spectacle or miracle that the Dark and the Light could give me.

Our love is like a constant battle of wills and spirit. Every day, we would enjoy our shared passions until we grow tired. Every day, we renew our spirit and enjoy our passions again. I fight for the dreamer and the dreamer fights for me. Knowing that makes me look forward to every day in my life because ever since that time you first held my hand, you had become my reason to renew my spirit every day.

I feel the familiar texture of the dreamer’s hand. There will be more miracles: the Light will taste victory once again and both of our spirits will be renewed.

You are my battle. You are my breaking dawn.

(Haven't written free-form for a while stuff like this for a while, hehe)

Midterms are over but Hell isn't...

2008-08-22T06:29:00.000-07:00

...such is the reality most of us have to face. In one week, we will be having our Chemistry 16 second long exam. Four days after, we will be having our Math 17 fourth long exam. Just three days after that, us MBB guys will take the second MBB long exam.

We have less than one week to recover from all that drama...the all familiar "Goodbye, UP!" drama? Well, some things did turn out good, but some were expectedly...fairly bad. My first exam in Chem 16 was, erm, passing (well, I didn't study...serves me right). My Math midterms turned out to be WAY more than a one-digit score(which I have expected)...I passed because of a 5 point bonus...so, I got 61 percent. Pretty bad....if you have 22% of your grade as 3.00 and you need a 2.25 to, well, pass. Only hope I got is with the 33% (final exam) and the three remaining long exams. I didn't study very good for the MBB long exam too and I got...well, passing lang (62%).

Hahay, magstudy na nga ako. I got pretty effing lucky to just pass all those exams...lalo na yung Math midterms (I really thought wala ng hope). Pero I gave myself hope: my three more exams and a finals pa man. Sa Chem naman: eh, there are two more exams and a good enough record sa ChemLab at sa quizzes. Sa MBB: I recently found out my class standing - despite scoring a 3,00 sa exam, overall I got 2.00. I don't know how the heck that happened, but I'm not complaining.

So, right now: I'm stuck in a wager of death: kung di ko ma-1.50 or higher ang itong next Math LE, manlibre ako. Well, promises do nothing to motivate me, it's time to blackmail myself with real money (and probably a pizza or something).

Sa Chem naman, wala akong ka-wager...kasi ako lang ang nag-iisa sa course ko sa class ko (both lab and lec) - so, yeah! Pero, magtarung na ako. We have an unknown analysis pa sa Tuesday...hahay, life.

As for my GE's, my SocSci 3 is getting worse. Pinagalitan ako ng teacher namin because wala daw ako masyadong interest sa class (well, I sleep but I'm generally interested)...she even subtly suggested me to drop (Not even considering it). Oh, well...my first scolding in UP...damn. Akala ko it'll be from my Math teacher....hahay. My CW 10 is doing okay, I guess....but what REALLY sucks is that I can never get my execise scores above the score of 17 (As in 4 out of 6 my exercises are actually 17/20). Not that having a 1.50 sucks (not really) but...come on, can't I just get an 18 for once? Ang score ng 18 is now my creative asymptote...someday, makamit din kita 18!

Red alert daw ang Manila ngayon? That's what my aunt and my cousin told me. Well, I didn't know (I don't watch television anymore). Pinapagbawalan na ako mag-malling. Ngek, like I'll go to any malls with these many tests in the future...

My hair is starting to annoy me. Uh, yeah...excuse me, my LONG hair is starting to annoy me. It takes a lot of time to comb my hair na. I guess I'm still not used to hair this long - but sana I can hold out until the end of the first year.

The only good thing about my situation is that I could turn it into a win-win situation. Say na makapasa man ako sa course na ito, I can start anew next sem (di cumulative ang grades, yehey) and finally have good enough grades. Or kung di ko man mapasa ito, I can have a new course, say that it's just the adjustment period (para may scholarship parin, lol) and start anew....plus may bit of an advantage siguro...bit lang...kasi kung mag Bio ako - naka Chem 16 na kasi ako (haha!).

Drabble...drabble...drabble. Wala na akong maisulat. Gusto ko sanang magsulat about love life pero zero naman, eh (Wow, first time in a long time!)

Cryptic (Re-Tooled

2008-08-11T00:38:00.000-07:00

Abraham Bitoy Exercise Number 7

CW 10 Similes and Metaphors

It has always been raining here ever since I first came to Manila.

I look outside a window of the cafe. People are walking frantically to destinations I could care less about. Every now and then, cold stares would meet my own warm unexpecting eyes. Their eyes are enemy soldiers making bullet holes through the cafe window. I have no weapon against their merciless machine gun-wielding eyes. Nothing could protect me from the rain of poisonous and piercing stares.

I turn my attention back to my table. For months, I felt like a fish out of the Davao waters and into the land of Manila. Since I came here, I have waited for the time that I would grow legs.

You have finished eating your lunch and you come back from the water fountain holding a glass half-filled with water. You take a seat facing me, smiling as you do it.

You smile as you do it. It is something you rarely do nowadays. You hide it in your chest under the ocean. Yet, when I don a snorkel and an oxygen tank and manage to open that chest, I would sigh and put it back. I know I do not deserve something like that. There is a reason you lock it in a chest hidden from undeserving eyes and faulty logic: you only give it to people who deserve it.

The people who have seen you smile weave a tragic tale of hearts sinking when they see it. It is like an unbreakable code: an algorithm within an algorithm, they say. It will baffle even the most brilliant cryptologists. They say they spend a lot of time trying to solve the mystery behind your smile; what did it mean? There is no way that you smile because you are happy because your smile is a military tactic: a simple flashbang used to blind the enemy.

I want to say that I believe them. I have always confirmed what they were saying: you always smiled a smile worthy to be put on the mouths of master manipulators and gentlemen criminals. It always has some sort of demented motive behind the action. I pride myself on being one of the few who could see your motive. You are like a child playing with many yo-yo’s: when you see that one of them doesn’t come back, you will cut the string. Your smile is the foreshadowing before the tragedy of a yo-yo string being cut.

This time around, I could not see any playful motive. I could only feel uncharacteristic warmth and an aura of protection. It is an umbrella shielding me from bullet-sized raindrops from the outside of the cafe. You smile as you talk and I try to make out coherent responses: “Yeah sure”, “Uh-huh”, “I guess so”. I am more intrigued and baffled on why you suddenly gave me the password to the secret behind your cryptic smile.

At that instant, I knew it: your eyes have given me the key to your treasure chest. I do not need to solve the algorithm because you feel I deserve to see your treasure. Your smile is proof of evolution; it gave this fish some legs to walk on land. Darwin would have been proud.

It is a scroll that is said to hold all your secrets. Many men have received that scroll and were disappointed upon finding out the scroll held no secrets at all. I open it today and I see what the other men saw: a tiny speck of handwriting in the middle: “Know me”. It does not take me one minute to know what that means.

I confess being intimated by the mystery behind it and trying to know what it really means. Your smile today is the simple answer to a complicated problem: proof of Occam ’s razor. Your smile today is like finishing a book of your history in one second. It only took an instant for me to know what I have to do. It is the bridge between us, so I could reach your fortress where you keep the rest of yourself hidden and safe.

You smile yet again. This time, I smile back. Thank you for letting me in.

*Apparently I needed 10 similes/metaphors. :)

Cryptic (CW 10 - again!)

2008-08-10T18:43:00.000-07:00

It has always been raining here ever since I first came to Manila. Had I not known that the precipitation from the Manila sky is tainted with pollution, I would not mind having my skin soaked with rain. I try to stay away from the rain as much as much as my will permits me to.

I turn my attention back to my table. For months, I felt like a fish out of the Davao waters and into the land of Manila. Since I came here, I have waited for the time that I would grow legs.

You have finished eating your lunch and you come back from the water fountain holding a glass half-filled with water. You take a seat facing me, smiling as you do it.

At that instant, I knew it: your eyes have given me the key to your treasure chest. I do not need to solve the algorithm because you feel I deserve to see your smile. Your smile gave this fish some legs to walk on land. You built a bridge between us, so I could reach your fortress.

You smile yet again. This time, I smile back. Thank you for letting me in.

*Yes, it is about a smile again. I'm a sucker for this girl's smile.

*I haven't passed this yet. I posted it just for me to see if it's good on both paper and blog(haha).

*Comments are okay, I guess.

*Clearly, I've been reading Digital Fortress. :).

A Slave to a Smile

2008-08-09T17:15:00.000-07:00

What makes me like a girl? Actually the answer is quite simple: the girl has to INTRIGUE me. If my notice my interest for that girl never wanes, then I conclude that I really like that girl. I'm a simple guy, really...and I'm fairly easy to read. If I'm interested in a girl, I'd probably make her realize that. Interest is a simple thing for me since I never really talk to anyone who I'm not interested with. Captivating eyes and slender curves do nothing if I'm not interested.

What I hate is, sometimes, that interest is sometimes not captured by a pleasing personality or a great background and intellect. It's frustrating to know that I'm captivated by such a simple thing: a thing that's usually either ignored or misinterpreted.

A smile.

Why a smile? If I wanted to see a smile, I would just...look at myself in the mirror. Why do I fall for such a simple thing as this?

Simply put: If a girl that doesn't smile much suddenly does, it's a special thing. An occasion worthy of the best metaphors and poetry. I am a person who wants everyone around me to be happy, and a beautiful smile on a simple yet beautiful girl is my own personal masterpiece.

That is how I fall in love.

Well, since I've been here in UP, I've seen lots of girls smile (whether at me or not). I'm not just looking for a smile anymore because I want to fall in love with just one girl. I'm looking for THE smile.

I found it.

If you know who you are, keep smiling. Because I have been doing anything just to see your smile.

Because whenever I see your smile, I know it's going to be a good day.

Bee-Zhurr...

2008-08-09T02:02:00.000-07:00

One of the UP's repurcussions from being a 'different' or 'unconventional' is that there is way too much weird being carried by the wind blowing in this majestic system of different worlds. Simply put, there are so much bizzare stuff going on, that a person married to the conventions and norms of society would be be bedridden in a hospital after a month. Of course, frat boys running around letting complete strangers stare at their dangling manhoods is only the first strike. I don't know if there would be more weird stuff happenning, but I am seriously expecting an overwhelming surge of these stuff.

Does it make me glad to have chosen UP over ADMU(my only other real college choice)? Well, in a way, some of these instances have done me some good. Stuff that isn't good...well, it's bad, right? But, they intrigue me and, as anyone who knows me that well, I am drawn to subtle weirdness.

Firstly, while we were having this group study in this...well, room (I call it the DA room), we heard a commotion in the TV area. We thought that the election results were here, so we bolted out of the damn room. Turns out, people were wetting their pants seeing Manny Pacquiao holding the Filipino flag. Trust me, I'd be more shocked if Eddie Gil was holding the flag: what the heck did they expect, anyways? And, yes, it also turns out that 8/8/08 is NOT the end of the world.

Second, has anyone seen the latest Maxim? You know, the one with Phoemela Baranda half-naked? Well, I saw a kid staring a hole into the magazine for a long time until he asked his mother: "Tinatabon man nya ang headlines!"

Third, we just finished our MBB 10 first long exam and most of my blockmates are probably writing in their diaries on how they forgot the answer to a one-point question(which, of course, does not exist in MBB). On the other hand, guys who completely blacked out at a 5-point short essay demanding them to explain the ubiquitin-proteasome pathway are writing about how weird UP is. -sigh-.

Anywhoo, the bonus questions in the exam were, uhm, well...you decide. Trust me, it ain't that weird but weird still. The first question was something about, er, finding a country in the paragraph. I could swear I saw something like 'Cuba' in there! By the way, the 'paragraph' was actually just two sentences...so, I was tempted to go all pilosopo and write "There ain't no paragraph here!" as an answer.

The second question was a familiar one: "You have a match and you're in a dark room with an oil lamp, an oil...well, something that lights and a candle. What do you light first?". Glad I got, one point as a bonus. One of my friends actually said, "You can't light anything....you need a match STICK". The hell with that, match sticks, FYI, are actually the same with a match in my book...which is, uhm, the book of common sense (Hm, maybe, I don't have common sense, hehe).

The third question: "You are going to town...on the way, you meet seven whatevers with a bear. Each whatever has 6 blablas...all acounting to 7!(factorial), how many are going to town?". Yeah, I know: "Are you effing serious?"

The fourth question: "A doctor hands you five pills and tells you to take one every half hour. How long does it take before all five pills are taken?". My answer: "You already took every pill....from the doctor".

I won't even bother putting the fifth question here.

And also, for two months: I never knew where the lagoon is. I just knew it awhile ago after the exams when I was walking. I hope that really was the lagoon or else, I'd feel really stupid.

There was a quiz in MBB(yeah, it's a fun subject, really) wherin the bonus question was: "Crack a joke". The point system? "If it's funny, plus two points. If it's not, minus two points". I'm willing to bet that Fort had minus two points...unless he and Ms. Fabian have the same sense of bizarre humor. Kent's joke was actually, quite, funny. Really, it was hilarious. There was also this one joke that doesn't have a punchline...yet, when the guy told it to us, we couldn't stop laughing. Baka mukha nya lang...haha.

There's a reason why I'm not shifting from this course...if I DO pass it, of course. Haha.

Anyone could probably conclude that I go to the movies often. I only go to Trinoma because, well...I'm too lazy to explore new places. Yesterday, I actually watched a movie. Yeah, I watched a movie a day before the exams. Go me! Anyways, the sensitive guy that I am...I watched My Sassy Girl. The movie was...well, bad. But, in the movie house...I actually did something that I did not expect from myself: I cried. Shit, I cried. I cried over a movie that was a direct-to-DVD release in the States...(yet, somehow, it reaches the cinemas here). Maybe I was just a little bit touched...but actually, I cried when Jesse Bradford and Elisha Cuthbert were doing happy couple stuff on the screen (We all know what that means).

Hmph, I shouldn't get started on what we actually talk about in my SocSci 3 class...:)).

Hahay, well...I'm all out of bizarre. I could swear, I've experienced far more than that pathetic heap of experiences I've written (like receiving weird and disturbing text messages and e-mails).

But, of course...there's nothing more bizarre than being head over heels over the most unexpected people. Kent and me actually had a conversation over that:

"Does love at first sight exist?"
"Heck, no. You should get to know the person first. Ikaw pala?"
"It doesn't exist because love is blind. You of all people should know"

Heck yeah! Ignorance is bliss! Soylent green is peeeeooooopllllezzz. O_o.

I could swear na you people have seen some bizarre stuff too.

It Doesn't Have to be this Way

2008-07-23T00:48:00.000-07:00

Tragedies befall upon our very eyes, and it doesn't have to be seen by your own eyes. It could be a product of your imagination. Yet, the effect of real evidence cannot possibly measure up to the pain caused by a single strand weaved by a dream. The media opens our mind to these kinds of realities and makes us dream of possibilities. These illicit different responses from us, ordinary folk. Those with incredible ability to critique and yet detach become the stone-faced critics. Those with only the ability to detach are the cynics. Those who do nothing but critique waste their existence doing so.

I'm not one of them. I sometimes incorporate the fictional tragedy into my own reality. I would often query: What if this happens to me? The realism of the plots of these damn romance novels just make me so attached. The characters involved, no matter how poorly or excellently written, often make me try to relate with them - even if I can't.

See, all the Shakespearean and modern literary tragedies make me a whole different person. Honestly, I'm usually not at all attached but I am affected by the magic oozing from the author's pen. Doing so, I unleash my own tragedy in my life - even if it's just in my imagination. I would often spend hours pondering what I'm going to do about it.

It doesn't have to be this way. I don't have to conform my own reality with what is found in pulp fictions and romantic tragedies. But, I have already defined what love means to me and the recepient of my own version of it.

Yet, I keep on dwelling on the possiblities and incorporating complications on them. Complications found only in fiction - too fathomable to ignore.

Love is a simple thing, but what these books do is complicate things. I'm getting more and more sick of being emotionally attached to these books - I have to discover a method to pluck out the important details that could possibly help me in my journey towards the sunset, and leave out all those which can leave me stranded on the crossroads of imagination and reality.

It doesn't have to be this way. I promise you...it doesn't have to be this way. My love, our story doesn't have to be parallel to what we read about. We don't have to be Romeo and Juliet, we don't have to be Noah and Allie, we can be just you and me.

It's going to be better from now on...better from now on...

Muse

2008-07-14T23:03:00.000-07:00

Every night, when everyone's in their rooms, I would walk into the lobby and stop near the wide open windows of the dorm's facade. I would stare at the night sky asking blindly for the stars to tell me where. I would berate the bushes from a distance, if they have seen her pass through. The stone floor would suffer the wrath of my tears. The trees bow their heads upon receiving the knives from my piercing stare.

Every night, I did this. With my old friends, Silence and Despair, I would ravage the lobby and the rooms. Despair tears down the otherwise tranquil environment and covers the ruins with hopeless shadow. Silence strikes fear into any spirit or soul wandering about carelessly at my path.

I was weak. I could tear down walls and instill fear, yet I was weak. The strong are afraid of the weak. Strangely, I thought love would make me weak but the lack thereof produces lack of reason, a weakness. Life is pointless without the power of love for another in my heart. God wants us to love Him through other means: through our parents and through our friends. Yet, He somehow knows that we all need something stronger that could channel our love for God more effectively.

The love for a muse.

You see your muse in the most ordinary of people: people you see everyday. Who've been there for you. Who've loved you for who you are. But most of all; you care most for this muse. That is why, for me, it can only be one: because I want to channel all the love I could give. Until then, I would see God's reflection in her eyes telling me this is the woman for me. The woman who I want to and will care for.

Every person needs a muse. Whether we see it in other people, or in ourselves, we need one to give meaning to our lives. To give us reason to care. To tell us, in living their own life, how we can get through life.

I met my muse. I don't really speak with my muse that much, but she told me, in a way, how to live my life: and that is with a smile. She gave me reason and she put a spark in my eye. I am who I am now because of her. And it's because that I met her that I don't continue on tearing down the walls with my old friends Despair and Silence because they both understand that my muse is more powerful than both of them: and they would oblige, even insist, in leaving me alone with her. My muse sends me Meaning, a new friend: the one that puts the spark in my eye, the true happiness in my laughter, and reason in every action.

The room starts to brighten. I shall see beauty that is beyond the physical, that is beyond words, that is beyond emotion and that is beyond reason.

I see ethereal and eternal beauty in you, my muse. I see the reflection of God.

Don't Rush Me

2008-07-11T23:15:00.000-07:00

So there I was on a line to get some cash from the ATM. I turn around and find a girl walking on the outside of the vicinity that I was in walking alongside the most stunning woman I've ever seen in my life. I knew the girl: for four years, in fact. I did not know the woman: but somehow I made a connection with both of them. The woman, as stunningly beautiful as she was, drew my attention to the girl. It was as if she was pointing me to her.

She's it.

I was hypnotized. I felt my feet move and follow the pair. They were heading to a place in the mall where there were too many people blocking for me to actually really follow them. Something snapped me out of my trance. Something else gave me an epiphany.

"Not today, Destiny. Not yet", I mused to myself.

Destiny has a way of getting into people's minds. She is very good at her craft but she is overzealous and headstrong. She is a master temptress and causes other people to be overzealous like her. As a result, most people never do realize their destiny: because they waste too much time and effort looking for it...instead of just waiting for the right time. Destiny is not God after all...it is still even a slave of Time, another of God's creations, and Rationalization, a gift given to us. Destiny's job is actually just to make us realize, and not to prod and poke us with sticks.

Today was a private victory. I didn't give in.

"Destiny, don't rush me".

Driven

2008-06-24T03:39:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking: what makes me want to sacrifice? What makes me want to go on?

It's often said to me that women need loving. Do the guys need loving? Maybe. But for me, I need someone to love.

It's funny how seriously I'm considering this: that my stay in UP so far has been driven by love. My sacrifice, my pain, my failures. My victories, my happiness, my ease. They're all for love. Yet, strangely I have no one to love other than God.

I would always pray to God to give me another woman to love. A companion to care for. Like how Adam asked and was given Eve: I need you.

I would be sad at night not because I miss anyone. It's because I don't have anyone to care about anymore but myself. But, you know what? I am going to care about myself. I am going to care for other people. Until God gives me someone to care about again, I'd give everything to my life. When that someone comes, I'll give her everything I worked for, everything that I sacrificed for.

Who is that someone? Is she far away or is she just right there? I'm not going to care for you just yet. I'm going to work hard so I can give you all that you deserve.

When I can give all that you deserve: will you let me care for you?

I'm driven by the hope of loving and caring for you for the rest of my life. I love you, whoever you are.

Should I Press Restart?

2008-06-22T22:49:00.000-07:00

Now that I still have free time, I will reminisce.

What does anyone from Pisay think when they think back and remember the times in Pisay?, They think - "Whattheheck, late na ang chem lab ko!", "Oh no, bukas na pala ang SciCamp", "Crap, I forgot our research papers!". It could also be: "What the hell did the teacher just say? -insert long libak here-" or "Bay, dota ta bay! (Pare, dota tayo pare!)".

It makes me smile whenever I think about it. I passed my fair share of late lab reports myself. I experienced a failing grade. My first failing grade was actually: Drafting. I got a 3,00! From then on, I wanted to avoid anything that had to do with Civil Engineering (or even drawing). I failed at Math and Physics too. That's no surprise. What IS a surprise is that even if do have a low average in all my high school physics classes, I actually love Physics now. In fact, I'm planning to take a BioPhysics class down the road.

I had my set of favorite teachers. I really loved those teachers who actually pretend you don't know anything: they will really make you learn. Kilala na yun ng mga taga Pisay-SMC (Yeah, mostly Bio and English teachers sila). Also, gusto ko rin yung mga teachers na parang college professor na talaga like Sir Angel, na pinipilit talaga tayo magpractice ng Physics, si Ma'm/Tita Jo Muico(na-enjoy talaga ang kanyang mga classes kasi marami talaga akong natutunan) at kahit si Sir Beduya (Yeah!), na parang he lets us do most of the learning. I may have remembered wrong. :). Haha, miss ko na ang Sir Beduya hairstyle (nyeks!).

-sigh-. Still makes me smile whenever I think of it.

My high school experience was an uphill climb. Kayod ng kayod until fourth year.Fourth year was the peak of my confidence. Before I was reserved and insecure. By fourth year, I didn't care what anyone thought of me. I dared to move and my life was better because I took chances.

But sometimes taking chances doesn't always pay off right.

Maybe I shouldn't expand too much on this, because it really goes without saying. But let me just say something.

I don't ever regret trying. I think it was a very brave thing to do and was not wrong in any sense. It was the way I went about it that was very wrong. I was still a kid at heart and acted like a kid doing it. Well, I'm glad I'm not a kid anymore.

But, still sometimes, I wish I could just undo those mistakes. I wish I could experience that bliss again. I wish I could've done it better. But, yeah: I can't do that.

So, I'm left with the present. Tuliro at biro. Right now, it's impossible for me to rewind and do all those things better. Right now, I'm just going to restart and do all those things better.

Yes, I would press restart. But I will still want to live in the present.

Random Thought/s

2008-06-03T03:36:00.000-07:00

I think it's great that we pride ourselves as being a democratic country but I think some people just take this as an excuse for their foul mouths. I don't have a problem of speaking your mind on the important issues of the day but there are better ways of getting your point across. There are some people who can find those better ways and still be excellent debaters and leaders. I respect those people. We are free and not slaves after all, so we are capable of not talking like slaves.*

Honestly, that's one of the things I'm afraid of when I finally go to college. And no, I do not stereotype. I am well aware that most people there don't fit the negative UP stereotype at all, but it's only natural for me to be afraid of that small bit who just can't understand the purpose of democracy and freedom

And now, I feel Republican. Well, I'm not planning to be directly involved in student-government altercations because I think that doesn't really alleviate the situation in this country. It could have made it worse and made for some rifts, misunderstandings or even casualties.

Nope, I'm not saying that economic and political slumps are consequences of these altercations (that would be very ignorant), I'm just saying they're practically...well, let's just put it this way: I don't think the words that come from your megaphones don't have a profound effect on the politicians. They're still going to be corrupt and they're still going to steal from the natural treasury...we've made our point, they're not changing.

It's best that WE change rather than we expect them to change. It's kinda like how a marriage would work: you change for your partner and if you both change, then...it's a match made in heaven. Now, marriage is an incomplete metaphor for the relationship between the citizens and the government. I like to think of it this way: we're going to be the government in the future anyways, and if we were good citizens, we'd be great leaders. And if we'd be great leaders, our children would be great citizens. Peace in the Philippines is not impossible.

I'm still all for speaking our minds though. I actually like to read what people say about the government and criticism doesn't hurt if given properly. Also, it's important that we know who and what we're criticizing. No, we shouldn't criticize Gloria for everything...the world economy is generally down so it's inevitable that we'd be affected(Disregarding possible corruption in the distribution of the grain...it ain't her fault, either). If we rally, we should know what we're rallying for. I find it a pleasure to watch some rallyists in the news that don't actually have a clue what they were in for. Woo, so much speaking your mind...all they have in their noggin is the knowledge that they'll get free snacks. Sad yet strangely funny.

Oh, well...there goes my rant. I'm leaving in, erm, a few days. I'm retiring to my mattress.

End of a Ride

2008-05-21T15:34:00.000-07:00

I've been watching American Idol for years and I seemed to have forgotten what it feels like to actually be happy for a contestant or for the winner, for that matter. Last year was an emotional low and although Jordin Sparks turned out to be a succesful artist in her own right, last year's finale wasn't as emotional as this year's. I could also remember when Taylor Hicks won, it was more awkward than anything else. I could remember when Carrie Underwood won, though and it was great but Simon had been riding on her since the beginning and there was no way BB could have won it anyways. I thought Clay Aiken was cheated out of the prize (not taking anything away from Ruben though, he was good).

Unfortunately, I didn't watch the first season of Idol when Kelly Clarkson won. I was told it was a glorious occasion and it was really hard for Kelly to sing because it really was emotional. I've been wishing I could experience a high like I've never felt because I didn't watch the first season finale.

Thankfully, this season gave that high to me.

Well, first of all: the boxing theme last night was awkward. It was even more awkward seeing David Archuleta in a blue boxing robe. At least, David Cook was in for the theme and did a lame rendition of a boxer. Second of all, this was the first time I've noticed that the last performances didn't actually matter.

Both Davids actually gave it their all and I actually saw David Archuleta the potential American Idol and not David Archuleta the wigger. David Cook was a bit off his game but he was still phenomenal.

I woke up 8:30 today, so I missed 30 minutes of the finale. Oh, well. It's good that I live only for the big moment. There were some great performances from a bunch of artists (David Cook was with ZZ Top, David A. was with OneRepublic) collaborating with some of the contestants.

David Cook won.

And, well deserved! We could all say how great their voices are but attitude should win it. David Cook may be a bit proud sometimes (Well, Simon brought him back to Earth), he was truly into the contest even if he was just supporting his brother at the auditions. His story is a beauty. He's a bartender and it didn't occur to him to audition at first. But with time, his confidence grew and it showed up in his epic performances. I've been saying that he's been giving finale-esque perfomances all season and its only fitting he wins.

This moment does not deserve criticism. It's better if we just witness the spectacle. Live for the moment, believe the hype. Although, David Cook did win by a large margin, I put that knowledge away and waited for the announcement. Well, we can all imagine how I reacted.

And, the final song was FITTING. It had something to do with having the time of your life and I believe the song reached out to DC. David Cook has been a contestant who's consistently in good spirits and his performances never actually waned. He was having the time of his life and I've never been so happy for a contestant.

Although, I did say David Cook never did really need to win American Idol, the sheer emotion of it all was a huge boost both to him and possibly the audience. Finally, they've made a rocker win. Finally, they're opening up to people like David Cook. This season has been the best season that I've seen (As I said, I never saw the first season), even we've been expecting this finale for weeks...the fact that they made David Cook win made up for it all. America, you rock!

It's the end of the American Idol ride for David Cook and all of us. We now have to get on a new one: and that's David Cook - the artist, the singer.

The American Idol.

Relief (and other stuff)

2008-05-20T21:11:00.000-07:00

I haven't felt like this in a while. I admit that I'm an emotional person and sometimes my feelings would dictate the course of my actions but relief isn't exactly something I should be feeling. I should be overreacting, overanalyzing and writing emotionally charged diary entries right now. It's kinda weird because, well, I'm not used to feeling relieved yet I somehow knew that I had once felt this way. That time being a very long time ago when I was still an emotional wreck of a teenager.

Nope, it didn't occur to me to write about my powerful feelings because there weren't any. It didn't occur to me to compose a creative work because there wasn't anything to channel to a paper. I couldn't find any reason to write at all.

I realize I may be overreacting in a way because relief is supposed to be normal. I tell you the truth that I don't usually feel relieved at all. Especially after experiences like yesterday.

You know that feeling when you think you're gonna lose something or somebody and you have a strong, gutwrenching hunch that you're never going to see that thing/person again. I forgot the word, but if I did remember: that word would not apply to me anymore anyways. Yesterday, I met up with some of my friends. Sooner or later, I'm going to see our experiences captured in pictures. I may cry or I may laugh but as of know, I can't cry.

I went home last night, ready for my tragic creativity to burst out of my veins. Nothing came to me. I tried to look back at what I did yesterday but nothing of the usual emotions appeared to be felt. I have an uncanny ability to piss myself off in experiences as simple and innocent as meeting up with dear friends. And I'm usually the only one who could find the emotional loophole in an otherwise pleasant experience. I amaze even myself.

When I went to bed, I couldn't sleep at first because I was thinking about stuff. Somehow, I was able to feel relieved. Somehow, my gut told me that I was going to see them, and ..., again. College may have a way of separating what high school had given me but I could somehow feel that the attachment and the personal connection could never be broken.

And so, I was given the strength. The strength to wait.

And wait, I shall do.

College Stuff

It seems like everyone I talk to is afraid of college. I've heard all kinds of fortunate and tragic tales of finding or even getting into college. I should feel lucky since I was accepted by my fist college choice in my first course choice and currently eagerly waiting if I passed a scholarship that would make my financial situation in college a whole lot easier.

But, no. I feel the jitters too. What's weird is that I only feel afraid of the academic stuff. Mainly because I'm in a scary course (from the name itself) and I feel totally out of place in that course. I often wonder if hard work would get me to the summit. I often wonder if only the smarter ones can reach the top. But, then again, I never really valued hard work until now.

I feel that my rants about college would probably end after I'm off college. So, this is probably a recurring theme in what I'm writing about. Until now, there is no end to this misery.

Me and my Guitar

Apart from ..., I absolutely love my acoustic guitar. I brought it yesterday when there wasn't even a need to bring it. That's how much I'm attached to it. Unlike some of the stuff in my life, I'm quite sure I'm never going to be far away from my guitar...unless I break it.

I've been trying to learn some more songs on the instrument. I find it quite amazing that I can finally comprehend tablatures better. That kind of understanding is long overdue. Whoo. Obviously, I'm going to bring it with me to the UP dorm and I hope my roommate doesn't mind.
It's Tomorrow

The finals of American Idol, that is. Now, I don't think David Cook actually needs to win American Idol, since I think he'll do perfectly fine either way but I still wouldn't mind seeing him stick it to David Archuleta. Rock beats contemporary pop. How often do you see that? How epic would that be especially on a platform as big as American idol.

Woot, that's a wrap. Apart from the one I desrcribed earlier, I'm feeling relief again since I was able to write a personal entry.

I was Marked

2008-04-10T17:31:00.000-07:00

I came to YFC's International Leaders Conference with all the expectations a first-timer could have. Queries arose and doubts surfaced. I had a minor financial problem coming in. Also, I was late for my flight on April 2, so I had to rebook my flight.

So, when I first stepped into the beautiful main venue, I didn't expect much anymore. I was tired, so all I thought was this ILC's going to be very tiring.

Fast forward to the end of the first day: I was right about it being very tiring. But, that was the least of my concerns. The feeling I had after the evening worship in the first day was the best feeling I have ever felt in my life. It was a feeling of bliss, of happiness, of heaven: like a feeling of extreme accomplishment, but way better. It's more than an accomplishment to successfully connect to God and I'm proud to say I did.

So, basically the ILC WAS very tiring. Words cannot do enough justice to even one event in the ILC(and believe me, there were plenty). All the competitions were great to witness: the dances especially had me wishing that I'd, at least, have someone in my bloodline who could dance like that(because I sure can't). I actually missed the cheering competition and much of the band competition but I did get to catch the band who played "Only One" by Yellowcard. It was funny seeing the girls go crazy when the singer started to play the violin: Guys, that's our cue to learn violin.

I missed some parts of the planned program because I chose to attend a workshop, There were workshops aplenty in the whole area and I got to choose one. It was actually a computer workshop about journalism, graphics and site maintenance. I'm already technically an Internet journalist(since I write a blog and all) so I was looking for tips on those(also I'm quite interested in making sites). It was a very nice workshop that inspired me to serve YFC in ways I could. The workshop actually encouraged us to circulate our penned works in forms of publications. Now, that would be very cool, wouldn't it? To all the YFC Pisay and my new YFC Davao friends: why not? Or if such a thing exists, I'd like to write for that publication please.

As you could've probably known by now, the part struck me the most was the worship. I'm extremely proud to say that on my first time in ILC, I cried. I cried out of overwhelming emotion I felt when I talked to God. It was the first time I actually raised my two hands, looked up to the sky and sang at the top of my voice the songs that I knew would make God smile. I cried because of all the things Jesus has done for me, I just took them all for granted. I cried because I complained about life when that's nothing really compared to what our Saviour has endured for us: Can you handle being nailed to a cross after being severely beaten, I dare ask? And we live our lives complaining about grades, the people around us and even ourselves. It's a shame, I daresay and I learned that there. Actually, that was actually implied to me in numerous other Christian procedures in my life, but nothing hit the mark better than that worship in Tagaytay. I cried because I saw and felt the glory of God, the beauty of Christ in the venue and each and every one of those 10,500 other delegates.

As I was singing worship songs, the cold wind of Tagaytay would sweep all over us. It was like God approved of our worship and that cold wind gave me confidence to raise my voice. I actually remembered almost bulldozing a store sign when I was praying: the store owners didn't mind, though. I felt my true spirit actually take over me and telling me to not care about anything and just...worship.

I was especially struck when I finished talking to God and watched all the other delegates with their hands raised, eyes closed and their heads up to the sky. It was a beautiful site that I wish I could have captured in a camera(It was way too dark for a cellcam). The songs were a great part of the worship and they were nothing short of amazing. There were many new(to me) songs in ILC, and I had a pleasure to had raised my hands, closed my eyes and sang all those words in those songs because I had somehow known that those were the perfect ways to put praise into words.

I'm also happy to say there were many bonuses in the ILC too. The night sky was always so starry when we came home to the retreat house we slept in. I met great(and beautiful!) people and made me many new friends and I'm hoping I'll so much more next year. I also got great souvenirs. I wasn't able to buy much for my friends: In fact, I came to the Kabayan hotel with only about 11 pesos. Bless my fellow YFC Davao delegates, they donated about a hundred pesos just to pay my bus fare (Thanks guys, I won't be stupid next time). Also, the tricycle fares in Tagaytay was insanely high and the guys also helped me on those.

In short, the ILC wasn't anything I expected at all: It was light years more beautiful than what I could have ever fathomed. I'd like to inform everyone that I'll always be a YFC Davao delegate even if I'm going to college in Manila. Next year's ILC is in Cebu and you better start saving now.

Kuya Kevin Muico said it best for me: The best ILC is always the next. See you there!

A Story Of Love

2008-03-28T06:40:00.000-07:00

Inspired by the song "The Story" by Brandi Carlile. See the video here.

You are watching television while laying comfortably on the couch with a pillow cradling your head. Lazy eyes stare at the television as it shows your favorite show. Suddenly, your acids knock on your stomach wall begging for you to give them something to break down into nutrients. You fight the urge and keep watch that show you like. Finally, after a few minutes, you give in to the drama that's also inside your body. It was hard for you to get up since you've been sitting there for a long time. You go to the kitchen, get a bread knife, bread and some peanut butter. You're thankful that you remembered how to make a sandwich.

Life is a story. Everything we do in it is an element. Every moment puts letters into your paragraphs. Every action puts excitement into your sentences. Every feeling puts meaning into your words. Even the seemingly most useless events, like the one in the paragraph above, is part of the story: no matter how meaningless it would somehow be. Just when you think those events will forever be an unimportant part of your life: you start experiencing them again, and this time, it feels different. The same old actions you do have a special meaning to them now. The same old feelings are elevated and they are harder to control. Even the most simplest things mean so much: A spoken word, a step taken or a breeze felt. Have you ever experienced that?

Even more amazing is that there are many stories inside the story of life. So, it happens to be a very long piece of literature: That's life for you. There is the story of success: they say the author gets a bit too carried away when writing this part. There is the story of failure: they say this is one of the most intense and inspirational parts of the story. The story of friendship tells of a heartwarming tale of a beautiful relationship with someone the author meets down the road. Oh, how I'd love to write about all these stories but right now, I'll write about something else.

They say I write about love too much but I really can't blame myself for doing that. This was the first time in many years I actually had something going on in my life. Anyways, the most moving and passionate of the stories in life is the story of love. Many have tried to put it into writing but the best version of this story can always be found in your life. It can be found in what you do in love. What do you do when it strikes you just like that? It's part of the story.

I can't really say that I've felt love yet but all I know is that I'm working on my story. I started it this year and I also can't say much about it. There are twists in this story and mine just happened to occur at an earlier time. What I thought was love was just a plea for friendship, a deep appreciation for a great friend. I thought the moments that sent butterflies to my spine were merely treasured moments of camaraderie: something just somehow put cherry on top and sweetened the whole deal. They say in true love, you never give up.

I didn't give up. I just took a break. There are many twists to this story: the truth at this time may not be the truth the next time (and that is the general truth). Realizations, at this time, are merely temporary. The best we can do is put them on hold. Yeah, it could be friendship now but what could it be in the future? I believe that we shape our own destiny but somehow love could sometimes make an exception. Love sometimes throws the hardest block at you, so you can never say never.

I approach everything that happens in my love story with uncertainty and caution. At this time, there is no "is" but only "may". Maybe, it could happen, maybe it won't. Somehow, that epitomizes the beauty of it all. But, of course, I believe true love is certain. Your story can't be all certain, right? When you find true love, then you're certain but in the meantime, you'll be stuck with this. The element of uncertainty adds a little spice and mystery into it.

There are always new horizons to be explored after each chapter in the story. There would always be times when you have to leave all the drama behind and start anew. But there would also be times when you leaf back through the older pages of your book and remember what had happened. Everything that happened this year regarding my love story will always be just there, waiting to be remembered. I'm quite content now because I can actually just laugh at myself in the past and be touched by how much effort, feeling and soul I put into this before. Currently, I'm not writing a love story, but I will be. You know that feeling when an idea just somehow turns up in your mind and you decide to write about it? Well, I'm kinda blank right now.

I believe that there will always be the ups and downs in love. It is simply when two people reach a certain level of understanding then can we say that these two people are in love. A lover knows his/her lover from the inside out. What is funny here is that, as I probably implied beforehand, nothing is what it seems. You may not know someone from the inside and out right now, but what could happen in the future? Never base your judgment on an instance, because an instance never truly justifies the person. Instead, what we all should do is be patient. I wasn't patient this year and that was one of the reasons it didn't came to be. Now, I live my life with simple principles: I enjoy life and I prepare to be surprised.

Love can be surprising at times. Well, we can't do anything about it? Every love story has an interesting dynamic that draws the reader to it.

How is your love story going?

What now?

2008-03-25T05:27:00.000-07:00

This is the only picture I took this morning that doesn't include a head of a person. I'm certainly going to miss Pisay but I choose not to dwell on the past, because it'll only make me sadder. I've already established to myself that I appreciate all the people in the batch. I'm going to say it to all of you reading right now: I appreciate you and this batch. My words probably don't sound that sincere because it is the Internet and all, but what's important is that I'm telling the truth when I'm saying I'm sincere in saying that. Well, with all that said and done, here comes the entry.

I can finally touch the future. It's only a fingertip away. But it's in that fingertip distance wherein I choose to revert. I will not choose to change all of me. I'm only going to change my current ways and go back to my old ways. For all those who don't know: I used to be a very studious student in Ateneo, that's the reason I was kinda successfull in my early years. I don't know where that went but all I know is that I'm bringing it back.

Just a little insert: I knew from my mom that the little prediction of my future career underneath my picture that flashed when I went up there to get my diploma. I was supposed to be an oil company CEO or something like that. Two words from me: Nice try. I know what I'm going to be and it certainly won't have ANYTHING to do with an oil company or oil for that matter. I didn't really care, it was up to me to mold myself to what I want to be come college, anyways.

The question to be asked, right now is not: "What's left?". The question you ask yourself is "What's next?". College is the obvious answer but, of course: what about college? Are you going to flunk it? Are you going to be serious this time? Your call. But I know MY call and that is to do much better this time. And how exactly am I going to do that. One step at a time.

They say if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. I say something else but I still pretty much agree with that statement. So, I'm going to plan. What exactly am I planning?

1.Know and stick to my priorities
That is a given. As early as now, I should be writing down what I want to be in college and putting my mind on the collision course that is the road to that goal.

2. Appreciate all my friends and batchmates more
Some might know me as an over-appreciative and overly emotional person. I don't really appreciate all my friends and all they've done for me. Well, starting right now: I'm going to. I love all my friends dearly and thank God every day that they're for me. I love you, guys!

And for my batchmates....well, you know what? I don't really know the difference between friends and batchmates. xD.

3.Get better hobbies
This year was a step towards my betterment. I don't care what it does to other people: computer game addiction is really unhealthy to me. It's okay if I play it once in a while though. I respect all of you guys, who play Dota, I'm not advising you guys to stop, that's your prerogative. I'm advising myself(How, sad) to stop doing that, though and turn my attention to my other hobbies that I had left behind.

I used to be quite a bookworm but through the years I've grown less and less interested in reading. Now, I've recently rekindled my interest in books and I've started to read more and more fiction books in my free time. Just this day, I bought two books I haven't read yet: The Scarlet Letter and Catcher in the Rye. So far, Catcher has been a great read(Yes, I bought it just a few hours ago) and I'm hoping to buy and read more books in the coming months.

I love music. It's not really my passion but I certainly do love and appreciate it. There was a time where I was so obsessed over tabs and songs that it almost became a distraction. I'm going to strike a balance this time, and rekindle that fire. I don't know where that's going to take me, but I'm sure it's going to be worthwile.

4. Keep on writing!
Well, that's self-explanatory. I don't care what anyone says, I have a knack for writing and I love it. I'm going to keep on doing it. That means this blog's going to be up for a long while...if not forever! Muahaha!

5. Stand up for Christ! I'll make something clear: I don't believe that much in religion. What I DO believe in is faith. I've been spiritually empty for the last three years. I'm really thankful for YFC(Youth for Christ) for making me closer to God again. I'm going to keep supporting YFC and being proud to be a believer of Jesus Christ and God.

Recently, I watched Dan in Real Life and I was really happy when I walked out of that theater. I didn't know what it was about prior to seeing it and it helped in the experience. I'm so glad I'm not a professional movie critic. Anyways, there's this quote in the movie that is very true to life. Wise words from Steve Carell:

"Instead of telling our young people to plan ahead, we should tell them to plan to be surprised"

Miracles on the Youth Camp '08

2008-03-19T21:43:00.000-07:00

Well, I had to write about it, right? I had a one week hangover from the camp wherein I was totally speechless. I couldn't write about it because I didn't know what to write about. Now, that I've cleared my mind, I can finally write about it.

The second(to my knowledge) Pisay Youth Camp occurred recently in March 15 to 17. Before, we had the camp, of course, there were hectic preparations. A week before the camp, a text message galing kay 'pre Verge woke me up. She told all of us through text that the camp will not push through. Days before that Sunday I received that text, I was helping Verge secure our venue for the upcoming youth camp. Complications arose from the venues applied Verge applied from. It was all because, it was short notice so I guess that's why the youth camp was canceled.

Every service team member simply didn't want to give up on the youth camp and serving our fellow schoolmates and friends. More and more people helped us in finding the site for our camp. Finally, we settled on Ella's property as the perfect venue. It really was perfect: it had a wide space for activities and spaces for us to sleep in. We were all so ecstatic and that made us more inspired to invite more people.

That was only the first miracle.

We gave out letters to the participants only days before the youth camp. Out of the goodness of their hearts, they still accepted them. We were to hit a target of 35 in our youth camp(including the service team).

We hit 39.

The day of the youth camp came and I went there early. I brought my stroller bag and a guitar(camp, talaga todo). I was the first one, there aside from Ella, of course. Ella had jitters from the camp, which was pretty natural since it was her/our first time. I actually just sat back, relaxed and tried not to think about what could happen since it would spoil the fun out of it.

Slowly, the participants started to arrive. There were so many second years(Bless you, people!) and some good friends from the batch also came. We had our first talk that night. Ate Ara was the speaker. She's always been a funny and energetic person and her talk ended up being a great start for the camp. And then, it was time to tuck in(not before taking a bath, of course!). Some people slept in Ella's house while the rest(including me) stayed at the, erm, ano bang tawag dun: White House? I didn't really sleep since I had to wait until everyone does(being a camp servant and all). I guess everyone didn't really sleep that night until about 1 in the morning. So, I slept for about 30 minutes to 1 hour before I got up.

The 2nd talk was done that morning(At about 9, I think). The speaker was Verge. She was very hyper in delivering her message. Testify! Also, the sharer in the talk was Ella and I could swear hearing her voice from way over the room I stayed in(it was locked). Again, testify for Christ!

Recy had to leave for reasons that eluded me. God bless her. The third talk was done by Kuya Phil. Unfortunately, I wasn't there to witness it for several reasons. Alex arrived that morning too. I had to fetch him but he was already there when I returned. Ako'y naamaw. Anyways, the afternoon was hectic and stressful.

Dinner was delicious, I can't help thinking: "BARGAIN! BARGAIN!". Seriously, 5 meals for about an estimated 300 pesos? So, tag 60 sila, each, waw, yun lang. Dumating din pala si Geno.

Talk 4 was presumably effective but unfortunately again, I had to miss it because of my servant duties.

I loved entertainment night. It was one of the highlights of the camp. I couldn't count the times I nearly fell out of my chair laughing. The girls had a great sense of organization and the guys had a great sense of...humor. "Are you MAAAN Enouugh?!" was first a game, but is now a favorite quote and catchphrase. The Kuyas really did a great job in maintaining the momentum. May nalaman kami about Chardi, haha!

We finally slept after the worship. More importantly, I had more time to sleep. About 20 minutes more than last night. The next day was as great as the other days. The final talk was wonderfully done and we had a great lunch afterwards.

Thank you, participants for cooperating with us and, in turn, being inspired to serve God. Thank you to our supervisors for their effective leadership. Thanks to my service teammates for a job well done. There were many more miracles that happened in my youth camp experience and it was a pleasure serving God and you, people.

For a more detailed recount on the experience: Click here
For some pictures on the experience: Click here

Please contact me if you have more pictures from the Camp. Also, if you have pictures from Aldrin's birthday yesterday too. Thank you!

The Search for a Decent Going-Away Poem

2008-03-18T05:28:00.000-07:00

Scholar, Interrupted

I looked and greeted the flagpole with a smile

My bag hanging loosely o’er my shoulder

Only here could a short stroll feel like a mile

Ignoring my feet, I moved on like a soldier

I was my own leader and my own commander

Assigned myself my own mission

I was to be the cream of the crop of the farmer

I would not welcome an interruption

I had always known how high school would be

It would be an unforgiving jungle of angry gods

A creator of fatal tidal waves, a volatile sea

I knew it would have to be me against all the odds

Yet, I glided through the forest of high school

With Mercury’s sandals and the curse of liberty

The commander wanted to be one of the cool

Even if it had to take part of his dearest dignity

I wasted precious years of my only life

Aimlessly wondering, blinded in the shadow

All I found was hurt, tears and strife

I was engulfed in my heart, dark and hollow

Looking back, I cannot help but point and laugh

At the savage commander lost in his mission

It had been all what I knew: Painful and tough

I had relaxed and gave in to interruptions

Today, I had found something better than what I hunted

Because all those interruptions led me to light

Learned to control the curse, mold it to what I wanted

Learned to base my decisions on line of sight

Learned that it was okay to wear winged footwear

As long as I clipped its wings when it was needed

Learned how to relate and perfected how to care

That it pays to inculcate every good advice heeded

Found love on a lonely and aged tree branch

I learned not to take love with just a light heart

But rather a heart not based on but one hunch

Learned how to look after, to do my own part

I praised God and thanked Him for all my interruptions

They had shown me the proper way of living in my time

They were my gifts, the only welcome distractions

They’re my friends, made my life good and this poem rhyme

I'm obviously in a bliss right now since my high school life has dwindled down to two days. I just wanted all of you, especially my dear friends and schoolmates(I love you, guys!) to know how I felt about high school.

And, yes I broke a promise. This certainly can be classified as "emo", alright. But, at least it isn't as, erm, weird as my last entry.

On Hanging On and Infatuation

2008-03-11T05:00:00.000-07:00

It was quite a normal day today. I spent the whole morning with some friends and shared some laughs and had random conversations. A game of monopoly moved in the slot of "midday activity". Just when I thought that I won't have to do much deep thinking today, something struck me. It was ordinary and something I saw everyday. No big deal. I had no idea how much it applied to my life.

I went inside the guidance office and found the usual people there. I spent some time musing with them, listening to some of my music. Then, by decree of destiny, my phone's battery went empty and some of us(including me) were left with only boredom. I stood up and went to the door of the office. The "Today's Advice" piece was there begging for me to try it. Personally, I call it my dartboard and I'd always have a blast closing my eyes and pointing at a random advice with my index finger. I'd always etch that advice in my head and try to remember implementing it for the day. Because I don't really have time to do it in the morning, I do it in the afternoon. The advice my finger lands on would serve as tomorrow's advice. A simple routine, the same old thing that I did for almost all of the school year. I did it again today, I closed my eyes and waved my hand for some time before it landed on something. I think it was in the right side of the piece. You know what my advice for tomorrow was?

Hang in There

Seriously, the piece just wanted me to hang in there. Hang on what, exactly? I let out a small laugh as I said it aloud. Someone said that I should hang on to the ceiling. Great, it was corny joke time again. But, it was supposed to be advice, why couldn't I take it seriously as I usually did? It didn't come to me as advice, it came to me as a memory.

Have you ever fallen so hard on your butt on the stone flooring of the pit of infatuation? I bet you have. If you hadn't, you're either a goal-oriented individual, really dull or a weirdo. I had, for countless instances, almost shattered my well-being just because of that poisoned apple with 5 syllables(talking about infatuation, o'course). I've been doing it ever since I had known how to love, well maybe not that long...

I've had that celebrity crush, the one wherein you fall head over heels over someone that you'll probably never live long enough to meet. I have one right now, and I'd leave you to muse on that. I've quite understood that celebrity crushes are just meant to be the extreme sidelines, they never have a chance on coming true. I'll probably meet the popular brunette celebrity in the realm of my wacky dreams someday, but I'll probably just want a kiss and an autograph and that's all.

I've had the "general" crush. It's that one wherein you(or guys, as the shallow jerks we may seem to be) classify the other sex into groups and you have a crush on one group. Now, I've known myself as a person that's generally not shallow and most people may know that too, but I've had this kind of crush. I really, really like redheads. And I also love emerald eyes. Those two traits are what my shallow poems are about.

But, of course, my deeper poems speak about deep "love". Ever been fooled before? I have. It seems that our little poisoned apple had decided to play dress up. It emulated the sweet, red apple: Love.

What's worse are the stuff that comes along with it: Like corny lines, awkward smiles and over-the top schemes. I've done all that crap and I swear on my beloved television(No, wait....) that it's the most waste in time that I've ever had.

I tried to conceal my anger as memories crept up to my mind at that moment. I decided to try to hide my pain and hurt. I wore a smile and tried not to think of it. Curse this thinking chair of mine for making me think of it again!

I've wasted more than half of my year aimlessly wandering in the tunnel of infatuation hoping to find love somewhere here. All I wanted was approval and those sweet words of affection that probably might come from that person's mouth. I'm here now wondering what I could've done with that time I wasted. Nothing ever came from my quest: It was all a mockery. It was all a tease. Maybe it wasn't really a failure, but it was a complete waste of my time.

I've held on and on for my dear life when I was in infatuation. I kept telling myself to not give up for there may be chocolates and butterflies adorning a rainbow with cherry on top over there at the end of my journey. The new year made me see that there was no rainbow. There was no hope. And, then I looked back on what I had done because of it.

I was stupid, how could I have been so stupid?

It's been quite a long time now since the day I first let go. A friend had once told me that it must've been hard. I tell you now: No, it wasn't. It was as easy as blinking eyes. It doesn't take a genius to brand myself an idiot in the past. It isn't hard to shed off the shell of mockery and stupidity.

It's been one of my resolutions this year not to ever waste my time on that crap ever again. I decided to handle it maturely this time. I've never been in the tunnel ever since that time.

I remembered that piece on the wall of the Guidance Office again. How could I implement this, now? Simple, I'll hold on to myself this time.

On The Ties of Destiny and The Soul

2008-03-05T02:04:00.000-08:00

In a few weeks, my radical experience in Pisay is going to end. It's been a roller coaster ride from start to end. Honestly, my fourth year here was actually my best year in high school and one of the best years in my life. That's all thanks to, of course, all the wonderful people that I've been around with for all of this year: You may not know it, but you've brought out the best of me. Well, not necessarily academically but the "me" that you've been seeing all year was actually me. But, as much as I want to dedicate a whole entry to all of the people who I want to extend a million thanks to, I'm not going to for now. In this entry, I won't go back to what happened, I'll touch on what will happen.

When I celebrated my birthday last Saturday, my thoughts were flooded of all the possibilities after high school. It was kinda stupid thinking all of those while I was suppose to be enjoying the day with my friends. In time, I did and we went out to SM for a stroll. I was quite a bit piqued that when we settled down in a restaurant, the topic of college came up again. I guess college will never escape the upcoming freshman's realm of conversation. So, I decided to give it a chance and take a look at it again. I examined all my desires and aspirations. I took a look back and saw myself. I'm quite confused on how people say that they don't know what they want in life. That's quite unfounded actually unless they're people who don't know themselves. Knowing yourself is the first step to real knowledge. I inculcated this concept into my personality and made it a belief. What I saw in my own soul that Saturday was...

Myself. Just that. In fact, I didn't even change that much. Yeah, so I noticed I was taller and that the moon's surface didn't have much craters this time, but I was pretty much just me. I was quite intimidated and disappointed knowing this. Disappointed, because I didn't even see what I had expected to see. Intimidated, because I felt like a dwarf and a loser when I started musing about how other people I know may have changed. I snapped out of my own world and went back to looking for a Rubik's Cube.

Just who am I? I know who I am better than anyone else in this world. Yet, whatever high hopes I had on a bright future almost faltered on that birthday in a shopping mall. Thankfully, my hopes stayed high because I thought about it some more. I know my entries may seem that I'm a person who generally doesn't have a positive view on life, much less myself. I actually have a sense of dignity and esteem in me. I'm usually one to poke fun at myself and I don't deny that I'm quite, erm, one of a kind. I'm kinda proud of that, whatever non-negative thing that sets me apart doesn't bother me one bit.

I imagined myself walking around in the corridors. I imagined myself hanging out with my friends. I imagined myself endlessly chattering nonsense on the Guidance Office. I imagined myself on my own on some isolated place listening to my favorite songs by myself. It was, then, I realized that I was quite content with how my life had turned out. I established myself as an individual. I knew myself, it was what matters.

My little search inside myself wasn't really in vain. My soul was trying to tell me that anything can change in the coming future. Most of all, my soul was trying to tell me that I'm in charge of my destiny. God is the One who will guide me to my realization but He has created free will to let me be in charge of myself and what happens. If God was in charge of how you reach your destiny, then why did He have to create the concept of judgment and salvation? He could've just put bad people in Hell if He knew that they would be bad all their lives. God doesn't give us chances, he offers them. It's our prerogative to accept them or not.

That day, I realized that God gave me a chance. He made me realize that I was at fault at everything in my life: From the all the kind compliments I have heard to the awkward moments that still make me feel like an idiot today. It was all my fault.

Now, that I'm going to be a college student, I'm going to have to take a lot more responsibility into my hands. Well, specifically, I really want to be a doctor with a sideline in writing but in another sense, I just wanted to be myself from now on and hereafter. So what if I didn't see much changes in my earlier soul searching? My soul doesn't know yet, and someday my soul will say something much more different than what it said last Saturday.

In the coming college years, everything that happens will be my fault.

The Tunnel of Bittersweet and Deceit

2008-03-02T06:16:00.000-08:00

There it was, in all its bittersweet glory. Suspended just inches from my aching heart. Straight from the path of my tears. Can I grab it? Perhaps, yes but I hesitate. I stare at it again and it stared a hole back at me. My tears still flowed and my heart still cried out in pain. I was still hurt and broken yet there was something about that entity that is floating just inches from my heart. Something that negated all the painful past. Something that gave me hope. I close my eyes and tried to remember.

The pain I felt rushed back in and accumulated. I was at the end of a cold, dark tunnel with not a candle or lamp in hand. I could not even hear a single cricket chirp, or a single bat screech. Only the faint howl of the wind can be heard. I shivered as the wind embraced my body.

I wanted to shout for help, but, nay, I could not utter a single word. I wanted to throw a desperate punch but I cannot harness enough energy despite my frustration. I wanted to cry, but no tears came. I dropped to my knees and touched the ground. It was rough enough to wound a weakling. I finally lay down on the unforgiving dirt and rest my head on the path. I took a glimpse at my hand.

It was bloody. I was a weakling.

I could do nothing but grimace as I used my bloody hands to push back from the ground. I stood but my legs could hardly support my weight. I grabbed the walls of the tunnel and dragged my hopeless body through the forsaken structure. I opened my mouth yet again in frustrated.

This time, I screamed.

As my yell scattered throughout the tunnel, a mysterious light shone. I could hear the echoes of my own desolation. The light crept up through every square inch of the ground I stepped on. It sneaked upon every centimeter of the walls at my side. It even shone on me. My tears suddenly flowed as it shone in my weak eyes. The blood suddenly evaporated as the light shone on my hand. I decided to try and walk again.

Yet, every step I made seemed to be more painful than the last one. I did not understand how it could hurt so much when there were no signs or scars of my inner aches present in my body. I cried while I walked grasping the walls of the tunnel to move along.

I would love to escape, but now I'm bound
by the of burn of your eyes
looking on as I'm starting to realize
I'm a pawn in your game and this is checkmate

The light started to sear through my delicate skin. I tried to shield my eyes but, alas, the light still scorched it like the tip of a candle. I felt more helpless as my limbs were rendered useless. I sank again to the ground clutching parts of the wall that I could hold on to.

And, then red flowers sprang up from out of nowhere. They sprouted from the sides of the tunnel. Their beauty only added to the pain. Thorns grew from their stems and pierced my hands. I had no choice but to let go.

As the roses lift their heads to catch a glimpse of my demise
You'll be throwing lies around like ocean waves throw down the tides

I heard the sound of an instrument. Its notes seeped through my ears and veins. It was not noise yet it hurt my eardrums. All the while the light was slowly fading away.

I've been sleeping with the sunrise watching hours pass away
incidentally I'm just waiting for the dusk to kill the day
but now I'm waiting for your call
while I bang on this piano like you care at all

I summoned all what is left of my strength and stood up. I tried to run towards the exit. The light was slowly disappearing and I chased it. Surprisingly, my legs did not give way. Instead, my heart burned with painful passion. Sticks and bones cracked at my feet as I ran. All the while, my tears flowed and my heart ached. The light concentrated at the exit.

A sweet voice whispered to my ear as I dashed towards the exit.

“I’m giving you it”

I tried to ignore the message but it repeated inside my head. I let out an aggrieved howl and continued my mad sprint….

But I'll be holding onto you forever
And this is where my heart is cold and torn
As I read the words you wrote last night
The butterflies are creeping through my spine

I open my eyes. It was there again, inches from my heart and a meter from my gaze. Tears did not flow and my heart did not hurt anymore. The realization had dawned upon me.

I'm taken by your hope-filled lines
they're well designed and dragging me along

No more will I hang on to every word that you say, because they are all just lies. No more will I gaze at your face and think about the future, for there is no such thing. No more will I ask to hold your hand and kiss you on your lips, because you secrete the poison that catalyzes my downfall. No more will I gaze at your eyes and tell you that I love you, for I am only fooling myself.

No more will I fall for you, for it was all just a waste.

I grabbed the entity and crushed it in my fist.

“I am done with you”

(OOC: Out of Character)

The lyrics are from the song “Roses and Butterflies” by Making April. This was a heartfelt entry and I think it is best for you, the readers, to ponder on what I was talking about it here.

On Crowd Pleasers and Filmmaking

2008-02-22T07:58:00.000-08:00

As the actor finishes the chorus of his crowd-pleasing song, from the pit of the Auditorium comes the applause, the laughter and the pleasant sounds of satisfaction. The actor finishes his song and begins to deliver a monologue straight from a script. The script wasn't even written by him but it was written by a hired scriptwriter. I can't even explain why he'd actually pay someone to write his lines: Can't he come up with his own lines? Not surprisingly, the scriptwriter is in the front row of the audience in the pit, eyebrow raised and his mouth forming a disgusting smirk. The scriptwriter is pleased with the actor's performance and claps loudly but his applause is drowned by the audience's cheers and lauds.

Another amazing show put on by our amazing actor, only one of many other performances in his "resume". He takes a bow as confetti falls from the ceiling and roses are thrown. He forces his face muscles to put up a bright toothy grin as his eyes saw the numerous satisfied faces in the crowd.

The applause gradually ended as the people started to leave and the crew started jerking the huge red curtains. The actor returned to his dressing room and packed his bags. His disposition polarized his cheery and bright performance he had just gave. The scriptwriter came in and had a word with him. The scriptwriter informed him of his next play that'll occur and gave him that play's script for him. He was a one-man show and did not supporting actors and actresses to back him up. He already had a character that everybody loved anyways. He took the script and the writer left the room very pleased with himself.

It was at this time last year that he accepted the last script made by the manipulative scriptwriter. He had gone on to bigger and better things now. He was now an actor in an independent film studio, produced his own films and wrote his own scripts. He is on the set of his latest movie: a drama about life. He smiles genuinely at the director, who had volunteered to guide him through his journey. The director gave him a thumbs up as he rose up from his chair and approached the actor. The director told him that they would retake the scene and advised him how to do it better. The actor agreed and did the next scene perfectly.

The movie was soon released as an independent film and went on to be a moderate box-office success but was a critical favorite. It soon garnered many awards in the independent film circuit and gathered a few awards in the major award ceremonies. The actor's old scriptwriter watched all this in his home. He hasn't had any success with his new actors since his best partner in acting left to do the film industry. He remembered the actor complaining that he wanted to write his own scripts and that he wanted less manipulation in his rehearsals and choreography. He also remembered himself, holding on to his selfish beliefs and desires. It had cost him his best client. The actor had soon formed a partnership with a great director in the indy film circuit. He grunted as he crushed the soda can he was holding.

The world is an audience and we are actors. The human impulse tells our fickle brains to act according to what the audience dictates. Our useless brains pass on the information to our ill-serving muscles. The result is a human being that is not a human being but rather is a mere actor. The auditorium/theater represents a misconception of life. Life isn't about being told what to do and doing it. The independent film set represents the right view of life: it is merely a set where we can all be ourselves in front of a small audience. Life isn't about pleasing the masses, it's about being ourselves. True friends can be found by being ourselves. It's easy, the guys that can generally relate and care for you are your friends. They stick with you and they love you for yourself. They don't need you to act for them to please them. You please them just the way you are.

The scriptwriter is the summarization of the selfish desires of the world. I shall reveal to you a fact from my story: the actor actually plays a lovable idiot written and caricatured by the evil scriptwriter for his own personal gain. When in truth the actor is an intelligent and thoughtful young man, the audience cheers for his dumbed down alter ego. The actor grows sick of it and goes on to the film industry where he meets the director. The director is God who lets us just be ourselves generally and occasionally steps in when we go out of the line or when we stop being ourselves. There are many more metaphors that I may have inserted in the piece too.

We are told by our scriptwriters to not be ourselves and be crowd pleasers. Let us resist and not create facades, and not to mention fools, of ourselves. Not everyone will like us, not everyone will hate us. Let's just leave it that way, shall we? Rather, we should just form a partnership and friendship with our Director in heaven.

Just A Day

2008-02-19T04:03:00.000-08:00

I wake up to silence. I was not cold anymore because the air conditioner had been turned off. I shift to my side and close my eyes. A new day, I think. I start counting the hours that I have been asleep: 6 hours is normal hours. I finished counting in my head, sighed and opened my eyes to see the plain white ceiling of my room. I had slept 6 hours. I take a quick glimpse at the clock and see that it is 6:00. I stretched my arms and failed to stifle a huge yawn. It took all my early morning energy(which isn't that much) to get off the bed. I turn on my computer and immediately play my beloved playlist. I proceed to go outside my room into the dining room, which is very near to my bedroom.

Breakfast is on our dinner table. It is the usual chopped pork with an egg. My mother doesn't really vary her recipes much and I've grown pretty much used to her stagnancy in cooking. I am still sleepy and my head feels heavy with "sleep fluid". I soon fell asleep with my head near my plate and barely missed my utensils. A while later, my mother prods me to go eat as she continues on whatever she's doing at that time. I did not eat at an instant, but instead I got the remote and turned on our television set. It was on the news channel, so I switched it to a music channel. I'm quite interested in politics and what's going on in the government, but I won't let the droning/overzealous voices of our newspapers blab my brain to mass neuron death this early in the morning, especially when it was an hour before class. I needed some music to calm my nerves(or neurons, whatever). I ate without any complaint whilst watching the television and listening to my music. I get off the chair, turn off the television and go to my computer to stall for a bit. I get on a forum or a chatroom to talk to some people before I feel it's necessary to get going. I turn off my computer, brush my teeth and take a bath. I go back to my room, cram some more info into my brain until our driver comes. I heard the gate open and knew it was my driver. I stuff all my textbooks, notebooks and my beloved "writing paper" in my bag as I rush toward the door but not before bading both my mother and my grandmother goodbye.

The ride to school was always so intriguing. I would sit in the front passenger seat and open my windows to feel the fresh air blow through my hair. My driver would occasionally spit into the road either randomly or in predictable intervals. It's fairly disgusting, I know. Once I arrive in school, I don't see anyone I know and walk on to class alone. Even if I did see anyone I know, I'd still walk alone anyway because that's just my style. Gone are the days I'd wait at the guardhouse to, well, erm, to get my things, so to speak.

I reach the classroom door and I'd always knock on it even if it's completely open. Some of my classmates greet me and ask for some sandwiches. I smile and charge them. If they pay, I give, basic economics. I finally settle down in my usual seat at the very back at the right side of the room.

The subjects before recess are usually the ones I'm in and this day was no different. I take minimal notes and spend more time staring holes into the teacher(or the blackboard) trying to comprehend whatever he/she's trying to elaborate on. It's often customary for me to go and buy some food during recess time but this time, I decided to stay put and cram with my classmates. The next subjects before lunch are the ones I'm most awake at. I usually go and sit at the front and either take notes or listen intently. This day, it was no different. It's just a day, after all.

Lunch is a happy affair even if there are only few of us who actually eat lunch in Proton. I'd usually eat lunch at the teacher's table if no one's using it. Someone was using it today, so I eat my lunch in my chair. A late customer of my sandwiches drops by and is distraught to know that my supply had run out. She went back to her classroom a bit pissed as I laughed softly behind her back. Yeah, I'm not quite that evil yet. People would accumulate over time and the room would get noisier. I put my lunch away and brush my teeth in the nearby Boys' CR. After fixing myself, I go back and head straight to my chair. I grab my books and notebooks and sit near one of the smarter people in my class and ask him to explain what I'm trying to understand.

Finally, the afterlunch subjects. I'm moderately awake by this time and do my classroom routine(take minimal notes and listen more). I fall asleep by the end of the subject before recess. I missed the second recess because I was too tired to carry my weight all over the place. By the time the last subjects were at hand, I was very lazy again.

After some time of coercing my numb mind to take in everything, the bell rings. It's that magic time in Pisay: Four-Ten in the afternoon. We are free, unless we had club time. There is no club time today so I had the time for my own. This time, I go to the guidance office and find Ma'm Sarah and some friends there. I happily spend/waste with these rather almost crazy human beings until the time comes and we had to go home. It was 5:25 and we hurry to the gate to avoid getting late even if it's being late for 5 seconds. Sometimes, I'd hitch a ride with a schoolmate or I'd go home by myself through either riding a motorcycle through the relocation site or a double ride home through jeep and, erm, either walk or traysikel . This time, I rode through the relocation.

I get home and throw all my bags to the sofa. I go straight to my computer and get on a forum to chat some more. I decided to spend my time writing stuff until my enzymes knock on my stomach wall. Dinner is usually something healthy and it is no different for now. It was fish. Three words: I loathe fish. I survived my meal and go back to my room to waste some more time on the Internet, talking to people and blogging. At about 9, I start studying and doing my assignments and this would last until about midnight. I did not really indulge myself in books as I usually did because I was tired beyond reason. After I call it quits, I play my last song on my playlist before I climb into my bed, close my eyes and count some sheep.

This is basically my basic day as a student in Pisay. I've been doing that ever since 1st year and, although a few changes had been made, there was no drastic change on my routine. By the end of this week, this is all going to change. The next week is exam week and March will soon come. March is usually my favorite month because not only is the first day of it my...well, you guess it, March also happens to be the lull time. The time when we get to do whatever we want within the boundaries set by our school. This coming March is my final March in high school and it also includes our graduation day.

I'm pretty sure in college, I wouldn't do this usual routine anymore so I take some time to reflect and enjoy my last days in Pisay.

After all, it's just a day.

The 14th of February

2008-02-13T01:07:00.000-08:00

Do I even need to do an introduction? Valentine's Day is that special mid-February holiday when we all go ga-ga over love and the like. We give each other smiles, hugs and, most importantly, chocolate. Of course, that's Valentine's Day, generally. What I'm really interested in is what it means to us. Our opinions on the 14th of February have differed from over the years and circumstances over the course of, well, its history. Some have made fun of it, some have taken it way too seriously and, well, some may have laid their creepy imaginations all over the innocent holiday which is the 14th of February. Either way, it's almost a world custom for us to celebrate this holiday. It's also pretty much customary for us, humans, to have different views on the said holiday.

You know what? My curiosity is getting the better of me? What is Valentine's Day to you, people? Obviously, I don't know, so I can't assume anything. This entry is for my views on the day anyways, so let's get back on track.

Tomorrow will be my 16th Valentine's Day in this world, and probably the 12th one that I'm fully aware of. I couldn't remember some of my past experiences on the 14th of February. When I was in elementary, I didn't think much of Valentine's Day, probably because I was. well, ahem "driven to succeed", a trait which I plan to incorporate again in college. I didn't have much time for love and all that stuff. But, believe me, I had way too many infatuations than I could have ever known. On Valentine's Day though, I never seem to pull through. Haha, and I actually sat there wondering why.

My Valentine's Day on high school life? Well, let's just say I turned it up a notch(-snicker-). But, yeah, I don't really care much for Valentine's Day.

Love is too complicated to be celebrated in a single day. Love is an extraordinary force that binds people together and because of that, it shouldn't be just celebrated in one single holiday. God made us to love so we should celebrate that fact everyday of our lives. How do we do that, exactly? We should grow aware of of the love around us: Inside and Outside. N.E.W.S, from Greenwich, England to the International Date Line. Love is everywhere at every time as we know it. So, why grow aware of it on Valentine's Day only?

So, there you go. That's basically my thoughts on the day shrunk to be presentable as a single, simple paragraph. Don't get me wrong, I love celebrating Valentine's Day. But for what, exactly? I celebrate it for the heck of it, for the kicks, for the fun. It's not really a day to be serious about love and all but since it is the perfect time for most people, some people like me actually like playing with that fact and give gifts only at that time. Mind you, I give gifts because I want to. It's my motive: Generosity.....

....well, generally. Right now, friends have asked me for gifts but I fear I could not give them. I didn't get to buy anything today since I was asked to go straight home. So, no roses, no chocolate, no plushies, no Bearhugs. That's all too materialistic anyways.

Tomorrow, I'm going to live like it's a normal day.

Besides, I celebrate love everyday. So, celebrating love is basically a normal thing. Not a day goes by without me thinking of someone special these days. Valentine's Day is everyday for me.

And, those are my cluttery thoughts for this day, February 13 and 5 hours before the 14th of February. Celebrate love everyday, everyone! But, I'm not discouraging any of us to give the ones we love special and sentimental stuff, of course. This is just my musing and my opinion.

A Recent Poem

2008-02-09T22:56:00.000-08:00

This poem is sort of an extension for the song "Teardrops on My Guitar" by Taylor Swift. I suggest you play the song while you read it.

On Your Letters

The rain is pouring out my window
I cover my head and heave a sigh
Seems like yesterday, we said hello
The next day, we bade goodbye

I stare sadly at my crumpled papers
Piling up unmercifully at my bedside
I slowly pick up one of your letters
They had once served as my life's guide

Dear Love, I hope you're doing fine
Don't worry 'bout me, I'm doing great
I hope you know, I'm yours and you're mine
Lots of love from me, signed, your soulmate

I could not hold back a tear
As I crumpled up your paper
I held your love letters dear
They had always made me better

But I know now, there was not a truth
On your white papers of strife
The words that had, one day, soothe
Hurt now, more than a knife

You rang up the phone one day
A day that had once made me glow
I asked you on Anniversary Monday
If you loved me, you replied no

Now it is Anniversary Sunday
And I am lost without you
I'm not in the least bit okay
I don't know what's left to do

I cried my thousandth cry
I watched with my eyes, memories fade
I heaved my millionth sigh
As I played another sad serenade

I hope you know, I'm yours and you're mine
Lots of love from me, signed your soulmate
Before your words tasted like imported wine
But, now your words, I look on with hate

The door creaked when I pushed it
The droplets of rain beat the ground
I chose the seat we both used to sit
A place to shelter my tears, I've found

And so, I live the rest of my days
Cold and secluded, in my lonely abode
The little blue jay flies from my gaze
Before I had any fair chance to hold

I heard a peculiar sound on my guitar
It was subtle, yet filled my ears
With a sound so near, yet so far
Was it the rain or was it my tears?

--------------------------------------
I hope ya'll like it!

A Moment on a Friday Night

2008-02-08T19:41:00.000-08:00

Okay, so it isn't really a moment. It was 5 and one half hours of formal fun. Yes, I never thought that I'd enjoy something formal, but I proved myself wrong last night. It would have been nice to relive it all over again, but alas fate did not have mercy. It would have been nice to watch in video, but alas circumstance did not allow. Well, at least fate and circumstance brought me pictures, about 10 more than I had last year, I think.

So, yeah, I'll start with my costume. I've been telling people that it cost me 1K to have that costume threaded. Yeah, but I just knew recently it's more than that but less than 2k pa rin. I obviously borrowed the design from a certain movie I watched last year. I would have gone further and wanted to grow my hair and style it like James Mardsen in the movie did, but I decided against it.

Hm, well, let's see. I can't do justice to what happened when I came to the venue. Let's just say, tinitigan ako ng mga bata, hindi lang kayo.

I looked around and saw that everyone looked absolutely stunning. Honestly, I could not recognize almost half of you, people especially the girls. The guys were looking great with their own interpretations of royalty, while the girls shined with their renditions on elegance. Of course, since I'm a guy, I noticed the girls the most. I loved how colorful the bunch, were. From blue to red, it was like a rainbow on the land that is the Secret Garden. It was a beautiful night, literally. My partner was very elegant in pink. Hey, I coined a new phrase!

Okay, so I just realized I cannot do justice to almost anything I did there, so I'll choose what to comment on. So, after the grand march, we sat down on Table 11. I had a great seat since I had a good view on who would go here and there.

The dance presentations were a pleasure to watch. The Juniors were very cute to watch, and I thought they did an outstanding job. The Seniors danced their butts off too, and had phenomenal showings. However, a few problems. After our presentation, I went straight to the CR, and..almost fainted from exhaustion. And because of that, I missed the Mambo presentation, damn! I managed to catch Tango though, and they were, ahem...well, they didn't look like high school at all, I swear I almost had passed them to be professionals. Well, maybe because I just suck at tango.

I think that having the serenades after the turning over the key of responsibility, was a nice touch. I liked both presentations, and I was especially grateful to the Juniors for singing my old favorite song, "So Young" by The Corrs.

The Class Prophecy was a joy to experience even if they were technical difficulties, Jenn Gargar really made it special. Okay, so they put me in the team who discovered the cure for cancer! Kudos, Juniors! Thanks for noticing my little implication I wrote there. Haha, yeah. I thought the prophecies were very accurate, while some were absolutely hilarious. I especially liked that they predicted that Arie would be the only other one to receive an Espinosa award. A noteworthy and memorable segment there, guys!

Before the announcing of the special awards, the first dance was done. It was kinda weird but good. Weird because we had to sit down after one song and good because my partner, Maris, was a joy to dance with. So, after that, we sat down. The awards ceremony? Well, everyone saw it, right? But for all of my other friends from other countries and schools, I won the, erm, Dashing Emperor ba yun? I think that's it. At least, an emperor conquered more than a king! Haha, joke lang.

Finally, the dancing part. I really loved it, and again, I don't wanna ruin the experience with my words. Let's just say that I danced with all the people I wanted to dance with and I left the dancefloor with a satisfied look on my face.

That was our prom in my view, everybody. I hoped you all enjoyed it as much as I did. In the meantime, thank you fate and circumstance!

Band in Focus: Making April

2008-02-07T04:36:00.000-08:00

This is from the official website of the band Making April

Making April formed two years ago in the dorm room of lead singer Sean Scanlon and guitarist Steve McCaffrey. After collaborating with longtime friend Greg Federspiel (bass), the band recorded 5 demo songs, that would later become the backbone of their 10 song debut EP "Runaway World." Since, the band has gained acclaim as a featured artist on MTV's Laguna Beach, one of the Top 10 Unsigned Artists on Myspace.com, and the invaluable adoration of thousands of fans. Their infectious piano rock melodies have now sold over 80,000 singles on iTunes worldwide.

It's a shame that I only discovered this wonderful band just now. They are a rock band that certainly knows a thing a two about creating great melodies and sensual lyrics. They're still currently an underground band that the mainstream hasn't heard of yet, but I'm sure they'll do pretty do good then, considering that both The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and Yellowcard have done pretty good for themselves(These bands also tend to use classical instruments in their songs).

I only wish the best for Making April and their future endeavors. In the meantime, let's just enjoy their great brand of music.

Note: Please pause my embedded song on my blog if you want to hear the song properly, obviously.

The Precursor

2008-02-01T03:07:00.000-08:00

Local Time: 7:20 P.M
The First of February

It is time.

The month of February would always bring a grin on my face. Now, it doesn't. The very thought of February is anything but joyful. It is the month before March, not that I have anything against March though.

We all know(and some people might not) that we're graduating by the 25th of March. That practically means it's 53 days from today, the Friday that I wrote this entry. The general concept of graduation is far off from being depressing. Who else wouldn't feel fullfilled about actually beating the odds and surviving the labyrinth that is our high school? I would, even if I don't get any award for anything at all. Awards mean squat when you know that you've tried your best. But, the other half of the concept of graduation is the thought of leaving our beloved high school behind.

Most of us have an attachment to our school. No matter how many times we kid and play around with the idea of leaving it and each other behind, it's an idea that could make us shed at least a tear. The past four years were a roller coaster ride of school books, bad hair days and hormones. The thought of high school will never leave our hearts and minds. The friendships we made, the emotions we felt, the highs we experienced and the lows we've been in. They are all one thing: life lessons.

For me, I've certainly learned more than the Calvin Cycles, the voltaic cells and the development theories that we learn within the four walls of our respective classroom. I've pretty much had gotten much more lessons than I could have expected. I've never reached the summit, but all I can say is that one who doesn't reach it, learns more about it. I've never been a DL since I can't seem to find the secret formula behind it, but I've learned enough to actually be hopeful in college.I've also learned to respect the concept of self-respect. I pretty much kid and make fun of myself pretty often, but I learn to maintain a level of dignity and self-respect to get me through as a person. I've picked up so many skills and developed talents that I never even knew I had. It was in high school, I fell in love with writing and the art of playing the guitar. I'm going to bring them with me everyday for the rest of my life now.

Most of all, I've learned about friendship. Friendship is truly stronger than any relationship that we'll have in our entire lifetime. Friendships may even transcend lifetimes.Just think about it: friendship with God is truly desired. A happy couple never stop being friends with each other. The best relationships often come out of great friendships. That's about it, my point that is. Everyone has a degree of friendship in each one of us.

I come in February, a sad and thoughtful young man. But, at the same time, I'm hopeful that I get through possibly one of the hardest stages of my young life, and that is letting go of my attachment to this school. I've got to make the most of this month, right? I've got one more day than usual this month, and that one more day has to count. That should go the same for all of us.

When I go off to pursue my dreams of being a respected doctor, medical researcher and author, I'll never forget when I chose to pursue that dream. High School encouraged me to search within myself and discover what I wanted. You know what? I found it and I'm not letting it go.

And, now we're going to have to go back to business. We have the prom looming and it's actually next week already, and I haven't received my attire yet(I had it threaded). We have the achievement test and the finals. Not to mention we have the 14th of the month to do what we want with our relationships. All in 28 more days.

The 28 days that serve as precursor to our final 25-day stay in this high school.

The 28 days that I all encourage you to make the most out of.

On a lighter sidenote, I can't really brag on being a good writer and all(I'm not really) but I've been on a roll writing stuff left and right. I've even started on fanfiction. Yes, fanfiction...Avatar fanfiction.Writing is possibly the most bliss I've ever had. Here's to writing!

Close to Life

2008-01-23T05:44:00.000-08:00

It was in a room deprived of any form of light. I lit a candle. The little warmth that I felt flowed through my veins. I stared at the flickering light. A teardrop fell and extinguished the modest flame.

I lit it the candle again.

I stumbled a little and hit a desk. The object was sitting there taunting me to hold it. Its luster was blinding and it spoke of a language only the hopeless interpret. I fingered its sharp end. It could have probably cut through metal. I held up my hand. A wound had generated at my index finger from where I touched the end. I used my other hand to reach for the blunt end and held it up.

“Kiss me”

I dropped the object and felt the room spin. I had fairly no recollection of how the spin actually felt. All I could ever remember was how I landed. A hard thud sounded as my body met the earth.

No, it isn’t earth. The ground was from another world. It was a lazy shade of hazel brown as if the Artist grew tired of painting on his canvas. The ground felt slippery as if it had once been liquid. I looked up and saw this world’s sky. The Artist was far more industrious in painting his sky pitch black. He placed white dots on random spots in his dark masterpiece. I grew tired of my scanning and my curiosity left me. Sleep lulled me to a short rest.

I woke up and an old man was kneeling near me. He looked kindly and there were lines of aging all over his considerate face. He extended his hand but I was frozen in fear.

He had a noticeable gash on his wrist. Fortunately for him, no blood gushed through. It was like he had no blood at all. I pointed my shaking index finger to his other hand. The little wound I inflicted was still there. He extended his hand and I grabbed it but not before his brief examination of my wound. He pulled me up and for the first time, I stood up.

“We are like kin bonded by blood. These are the outskirts of our city which the Artist built to house the ones who are like us. I have been assigned to welcome new kin”

The words hit me like a cinder block. It’s over, I thought. I shed tears before I took his outstretched hand. I walked slowly near his side as I cried silent tears. The tears fell on his gashed wrist.

We stopped all of a sudden. He let go of my arm fairly quickly and examined his wrist.

His formerly gashed wrist.

He looked at me sternly. “You do not belong to the city”

I expressed my confusion, so he willfully continued.

“A being with hope cries tears of healing. It means that no matter how much tears he sheds, he will live and be better for his tears will heal his anguish and sorrow. We do not exhibit such a property anymore, for we were once filled with hope but we exhausted it”

It took time for the words to settle in before I could finally understand them.

“You feel that life isn’t giving you a chance. You feel that life wasn’t fair to you and gave you an undesirable standard of living, am I correct?”

I merely nodded, choosing not to say anything. He took time to gaze at the white dots on the black canvas of the Artist.

“You know what I say?”

He turned his head back to face me.

“These dots will take you back to your world. Once back, I suggest that you don’t come begging for life to give you a chance at a better state of living. I say, give yourself a chance. Go reach for a dot”

I do not know how I actually plucked a dot from the canvas but all I know is that I got one. The world spun again and the old man’s face gradually disappeared.

I am holding the beautiful object in my hand kneeling on the floor. I took one last time to marvel at its beauty.

I dropped the dagger and walked away to give myself a chance at life.

Over

2008-01-15T03:14:00.000-08:00

Last year was probably the busiest year of my life.There were so much oscillations, I quit counting them at least halfway through the year.There were great times, fluffy moments and revelations.There were also down times, akward moments and displeasures.Victories and failures were rampant.Laughter was shared, and tears were shed.I loved the year 2007.My experiences taught me a lot, and hopefully, I'm a better person now.

As an ever-curious human being, I've discovered so much that year.Right now, I know how to handle myself and go about things a bit better.Last year was a year of growth.I made so much mistakes I still regret to this day.But, I won't be stuck at the past.

I'm going to brush them off. I'm going to be over my 2007.

Goodbye, down times. This year, you'll all still be on my mind. However, you'll be filed under "Unecessary".

Goodbye, akward moments.This year, you'll all still be on my mind.However, you'll be renamed "Moments of the Old Me"

Goodbye, displeasures.This year, you'll all still be on my mind.However, you'll be stored as "Learning Experiences"

Goodbye, great times.You'll be in my heart forever.I wouldn't change one bit of you.I'm sorry I have to leave you there in my heart, you just can't be on my mind.My mind is the place for the great times I'll have this year.

Goodbye, fluffy moments.You'll be in my heart forever.I wouldn't change one bit of you.I'm pretty sure I'm not going to have any more of you.When it comes to supernatural emotions, I'm going to have to be a man about it and do something about it this time.

Goodbye, revelations.You'll be in my heart forever.I wouldn't change one bit of you.I feel I'm going to have more of you.But, I'm going to be mature about it and control my feelings on that issue starting at this moment.

I say hello to the new year.I go to the ocean I have to cross this year. I look down on the clear blue water.I see the new me.

I'm ready for you, 2008.

On a lighter note, this first few days of the new year have been awesome.I haven't felt this happy in a long time.Maybe because I'm finally over some things I've been stuck with.Or maybe, I've found some new stuff to enjoy with.Whatever it is, I'm very happy now.

Potential Scare

2007-12-29T21:58:00.001-08:00

Last night, there was a real threat to the security of our house. I'm usually one who's used to being safe so I don't see anything wrong in making a very big deal about it.

I was actually up until midnight peacefully surfing the Internet. At about 15 minutes after midnight, I heard a faint knock on the rooftop. No one else heard it but me. I proceeded to close the windows of my room and turned on the aircon. I wasn't actually asleep as I heard more faint knocks above me. I figured there was a pretty good possibility that the knocks were made directly above my room. So, I turned off the aircon and stayed awake to listen. At about quarter to 1, I heard a knock at the gate, like someone threw a stone or something. That was the last straw so I got out of bed and into the living room. Our katulong and my Mom were already there. A fairly large number of people were outside. Hm, they actually turned out to be our neighboors and they were actually frantically looking at our rooftop from a safe distance.

They told us there was a figure at the top our house. My suspicions were confirmed: a thief was trying to break in. Fortunately, nobody in the house panicked. My Mom went outside cautiously to talk to the neighboors while me and the katulong stayed to guard the house. Soon, our katulong actually went to the CR(our CR leads to the back of our house) to investigate. I took some measure and grabbed an umbrella and stayed very near to our hammer and kitchen knife.My Mom soon returned to say that the thief was a youth and was wearing a blue shirt. Some of our neighboors took initative and climbed our roof bringing some dangerous weapons (a knife, for one) since the thief was also seen to have a weapon too. I stayed in my room to listen some more.

We stayed up guarding the house for about a few hours before we decided to sleep. I slept in my room, which I figured was pretty much dangerous considering I was directly under the thief when he was in the roof.

When I awoke in the morning (about 10), some security measures were already taken. Our house was being renovated a little for extra security. I was actually surprised by mother when she gave me two iron bars for security. She had also placed some weapons in the other rooms. I was to switch rounds with the people in the house and I figured I was pretty much allowed to use the kitchen knife and the iron bar for self-defense, anyways.We're going to do this pretty much every night now, since we're not staying here long after all.

Hm, that just goes to show you how low lazy, irresponsible little losers can stoop. Go to school or get a freaking job, losers!

Music has its Poet

2007-12-20T05:34:00.000-08:00

As some of you might know, I'm a very big fan of Michelle Branch and I think she's very underappreciated as both a musician and a songwriter. It doesn't hurt that she's beautiful too. She's the complete package, for need of a better adjective.

Michelle was born in the 2nd of the July of 1983. She was actually named after the Beatles' song Michelle. She started taking voice lessons when she was 8(hence, the pipes). Of course, we usually associate Michelle with a guitar. She got her start in guitar a little late when she got it as a gift when she was 14. Not too soon, she began writing her own songs in what would be the precursor of her great songwriting career. Soon, her parents allowed her to leave high school to pursue a career in music.

She began writing more songs and soon was signed into the independent label Twin Dragon Records. She recorded these songs in about two weeks and her label soon released her first album Broken Bracelet.

I personally consider Broken Bracelet a masterpiece. All the songs in the album are great for easy listening. Unfortunately, the album is very hard to find(it's an independent release, after all) and I have to stick to downloading the singles off the net. Thankfully, the album only has 11 nice tracks and it seems that quality way passed the quantity in this case.

Next, she signed with Maverick Records and began recording for her mainstream debut album. That album would be known to us as Spirit Room. Her first release was Everywhere and it catapulted Michelle to stardom, reaching as far as number 12 in the Billboard charts. Her next single, All You Wanted, surpassed the first release and became the biggest hit of her music career. Her final single, Goodbye to You, wasn't as succesful as the last two but it became one of her signature hits among her fans.

In between her first and second album, she recorded and released a duet with Santana, The Game of Love, which became her first top 5 single.

Her second album was Hotel Paper.The first single was the uncharacteristically dark Are You Happy Now, which generated some success for her. Her next singles didn't do much for her and she continously dissapeared in the airwaves soon after.

What I really like about Michelle is her songwriting style. She has, what I believe, that country songwriter's mentality. What's amazing is that she fuses her mentality with mainstream-style music really well. Her songs always tell a story, and her lyrics are more than words: they are verses of a poem. Her songs captivate the listener and actually make the listener pay attention to the story she's telling. She also has a hand for striking the right chords, whether it's a background to her storytelling or to serve as easy listening in between her words. Her songs are way underrated, and I'm really surprised that she isn't in the league of such people as Avril Lavigne and Alicia Keys right now.I really thought that she'd be bagging Grammys right about now.

The first Michelle Branch song I ever heard was Goodbye to You. I heard the song, way before it was released and instantly became a fan of her work. I soon began listening to most of her songs and was pleasantly surprised that the quality of her songs doesn't stoop one bit.

Her looks actually came from her Indo-Eurasian background, hence the "Filipina" look as one of my friends had pointed out. Her pipes are spine-chilling and very inviting to the listener. She's also a very talented in musical instrument particularly, the guitar(of course), drums and the piano. That trademark blue guitar that we first saw in the Everywhere video is actually a Taylor but she began using a Gibson due to its better range of sound. That makes her one well-rounded chick.

Lately, Michelle has put her career with The Wreckers on hold, to work on her new album. I hope she'll never change her unique style in this latest recording.

Be sure to check out my Michelle Branch Playlist

Handpicked Discography

Broken Bracelet
Listen to:

1. Second Chances

2. Leap of Faith

3. Goodbye to You

4. Sweet Misery

5. If Only She Knew

The Spirit Room

Listen to:

1. All You Wanted

2. Goodbye to You

3. You Set Me Free

4. I'd Rather Be in Love

5. You Get Me

Hotel Paper
Listen to:

1. Tuesday Morning

2. Desperately

3. Breathe

4. It's You

5. Hotel Paper

Other Notable Tracks
1. I'm Feeling You (with Santana)

2. Making My Way (with Omarion, Monica, Bubba Sparx, Sleepy Brown and JC Chasez)

3. Leave the Pieces (The Wreckers)

How Does She Know?

2007-12-19T03:47:00.001-08:00

Love could be the worst feeling ever.

Yet, love can't be all feelings, eh? It's also a manufacturer of other ill-serving feelings.

So, love isn't the worst feeling ever.

Watching Enchanted made me think of the fine line between fairy tale romances and the real thing. If you think logically, even just the concept of "love at first sight" is ridiculous. Yet, human beings, logical as they are, actually believe that such a ridiculous concept exists,well almost 70 % of Filipinos in a survey anyway, but the mere fact that it is being considered to being embedded into our values is just simply outrageous.

Almost the same can be said about the concept of "true love", does even a mere scrape of that concept exist in the fabric of reality? I don't know, that's for sure but what I do know is that most people also believe in true love.

See, the thing here that most people don't realize is that maybe it isn't "love at first sight" and "true love" may not be as what they seem. Maybe, they're just, as aformementioned, mere products of love. After all, love covers pretty much everything that I've mentioned here anyways.

One of those feelings manufactured by love is that feeling that you can't tell someone you love those three simple words.Torpe, kung baga.Of all the feelings that I ever encountered in my life, this is one of the worst. I know some of may not be able to relate and I'll break it down for you. It could be as simple, as not being able to have your opinion known only a hundred times too complicated for words. Well, it's love after all which, in itself, is a poweful emotion enough to knock us off our feet.

Face it, at this age, we've all been torpe. Maybe some of us still are. So, how do we resolve it? We tell, of course! But, telling isn't always the best way. Take it from me, it's done WONDERS to my life. Telling doesn't always give you that fullfillment. For boys, getting the girl is always the crowning glory. For girls, you're the queen if you get the guy head over heels. Telling doesn't always lead to that.

"How does She Know....", ugh.

If you're really serious about getting that girl, telling her now is always there as an option but there are other options. Maybe, you could get to know her a little bit. That's the reason why dating exists! To make relationships work. Don't let only your mouth do the work.

Info about the girl is a guy's most useful weapon in the game of love.

The fairytales don't always have the answers. Sometimes, it's better to be subtle in love. Feelings can deceive us, we need to control them.

My feelings certainly did make me the worst person possible. I'm not bitter, I'm just really sick and tired of love and the feelings that stem from it.

Writing

2007-12-16T02:35:00.000-08:00

Now, some of you people might know what club I'm in. No, I'm not from the Communication Arts Club anymore.

I'm a proud Sci-Winger. A first-time Sci-Winger, I might add.

Now, I've always been into writing but why have I joined Sci-Wings only now? Well, when I was in my Freshman Year in Pisay, I figured that I wouldn't fit in Sci-Wings since I didn't think too highly of my writing, then. I also had one other reason which I choose not to talk about. Well, anyways I joined CAC since I am a decent public speaker anyways. It was fun in CAC but I wanted to get out of the club as soon as I was a Sophie.

But, oh did I stay there for my 2nd and 3rd years in Pisay. Both instances can be blamed to me being voted an officer, which isn't really a travesty for most of you. But for me it was, since by that time, I've grown on my writing skills. That was mainly because of these journals that our English teacher Sir Web used to give as assignments. I used to love writing journals since Sir Web would often write back(Nice guy, yeah) with his comments. Not known to everyone is that through Sir Web's comments that my love for writing grew and grew. Thanks Sir, wherever you are.

Anyways, so I managed to avoid another berth as CAC officer at the end of the Third Year by actually using my voice to let my opinions known. I didn't have much of a voice, then(Hey, I was a Freshie!).

And, yes just an insert. I actually wrote for Sci-Wings for the first time when I was in 3rd year....well, not really. My poem "Stripped" was actually published in the year-end compilation(a collaboration with Bagwis-Agham, actually) in page, er...I forgot.You could see the poem and some of my other compositions here in my old blog.

So, Club Fair came. I knew EXACTLY where to sign up. I penned my name on the Sci-Wings pad. But, I got the jitters so I proceeded to sign up with Bidlisiw and Bagwis-Agham, just in case(A word to you, my Filipino compositions reek!). So, yeah it was a week before the auditioning.

I ended up in the 4-Neutron room telling Miss Pam why I'd want to be in Sci-Wings. I can remember saying that "It's always been my dream to write for the School Newspaper". Turns out, I was in. I got the news from my fellow Sci-Winger, Kent. Ever the doubter, I went to see for myself. And, like magic my name was printed on the bulletin board. I was so happy that I didn't show it....if that made sense.

And, now I'm living my dream. Now, my dream's not sitting there at 4-Neutron for meetings every Tuesday afternoon. My dream is that the chances of my compositions getting published will be boosted. And, boy did it get a boost. I wrote my first article on the new teachers. It was kinda sucky, and I didn't like it in my first read on it.I wasn't able to pass an article in the next ishs, since I was feeling kinda lazy anyways. Heck, I even passed my Speech assignment as an article. Thank goodness, it didn't get published.

Now, writing is a real pastime for me. It's quite fortunate that I'm not really busy during Christmas break, so I have so much time to do my compositions. I actually have a composition notebook, which was actually once stolen by Kent and my emo stuff came to my adviser's eyes. Of course, they weren't edited so I begged them not to publish it.

Aside from that, I also like reading other people's works. I usually get inspiration from them. And, obviously, blogs are a great way to share your works. I know that fellow Sci-Wingers Alex, Mila, Gerwin and Mikko have blogs/sites and I'm thankful I have Internet so that I could read their blogs at a sporadical basis. A word to you, I also read other blogs, din you know.

I actually have a pretty long story here in my notebook. It's been here for 5 months, actually and I wrote it at a very dark time in my life. So, quite obviously, it's quite emo and...very choppy so I have to edit it. I might be posting it...or not. Depends on me, as always.

In the meantime, read some of the older posts in my old blog for some of my compositions.

'Til then.

Break!

2007-12-14T05:34:00.000-08:00

Yes, we all needed that.

Finally, the Christmas Break has come back.

And, this year, no frogs shall suffer.

And, oh yeah, what the heck did happen to those animals?Anyways...

I am so thankful I got everything right today, although I still have to rewrite and pass my Bio Lab and get our Research signed. Thank goodness, there is almost virtually nothing to worry about.

This is a REAL vacation, yeah.

Now, to discuss some random things.

First of all, I'm still kinda sick. Funny thing is, I wasn't acting like it. I'm hoping to get some well-needed rest tomorrow but I have somewhere to go(again, ugh).

And, yes, for all those wh0 gave me gifts...no matter how weird some of them might be, thank you! I do appreciate you know, I'm not a robot. And, quite a number asked for gifts and, now I'm kinda confused which gift goes with who so, please, give my ailing mind to remember.

Hm, I think some people still owe me a gift. You know who you people are!I owe you too, don't worry.

And, finally, I have RF in my computer. After waiting for almost forever for the installer to patch, I can finally play for whole days now. If I space out online, that's because I'm playing....or...that I'm doing chores or something else. And, yes, sa lahat ng mga Cora!Pa-add buddy list, di ko sabihin ang character name ko, weird kasi.

Hm, I think I'm not going to set up a Myspace anymore. It's too much work to maintain, believe me.And, also I'm going to write some more stuff in the ole blog for ya'll to read.

'Til then. Read over my past blogs din pala.

Bait an Oscar!

2007-12-12T05:01:00.000-08:00

Hi, I've got a site for you people. Click the link!

Basically, The Oscar Igloo is a site for Oscar and Golden Globe predictions as well as major film festival coverage. Just your everyday site, actually. Except for that page on the link, of course.

The geniuses that made the site made the best thing ever since democracy. It kinda reminds me of fan fiction

Only thing is that, quite obviously if you clicked the link already, is that you get to make your own movie. Yeah, all from the synopsis down to the crew, you create it. Hm, I don't know if I have my creative juices flowing so I'm not going to get my hopes up in regards to actually passing a movie synopsis. I'm not very good in writing my own screenplays but I will always have an idea how a good movie goes though.

Anyways, December entries are in! I'm hoping to read them soon....as soon as I get bored enough. My favorite so far is Rehab!The Contemporary Musical

Heh, maybe you have a brain for the movies too. Just make sure you know who to put in your movies, eh? Good casting is key. Hey, you just can't make Judd Apatow direct Hostel! You getting me? That is, if you know who Judd Apatow is. Heh, give it a try, maybe someone from here might actually win.

And, now I feel like a commercial.

Okay, so it's weird writing more than one blog a day.

My blog DOES look somehow like a commercial board, eh? Except that it doesn't have that much Google ads(I'll get them later, I need the money!). I kinda fashioned my blog for you people to read and not to discuss which is kinda weird, since I usually write thought-provoking topics.

So, it's two more days before...we all are free for the time being. I'm planning to set up a Myspace. A little tidbit: I once was a very active Myspace user but I got my account deleted since I didn't use it for months(I got a life, then!).Now, I'll try to balance my actual life with some promotional work on Myspace.

And, yes SOMEONE owes me something.You know who you are.

Anticlimatic

2007-12-12T02:20:00.001-08:00

Today was supposed to be the day when everything will end.

The day when my mind will finally be at ease.

I guess I just don't have Lady Luck on my side these days.

Well, first of all. I basically knocked myself out cramming last minute formulas in Physics at 2 in the morning. 2 in the friggin' morning...I didn't even sleep early! My eyes were seeing stars, instead of magnetic field laws. Reading Serway didn't do me any justice so I went for a little nap....

Then I woke up 6. I haven't even studied a wee bit of Bio at all and same goes for English. I haven't fixed my things yet, breakfast wasn't ready and I was all groggy again. My only saving grace was that, at least there were only three subjects for today.And, so I clamped up all my things, and ate breakfast. The thing with me is, that I eat breakfast so uncharacteriscally slow. And, I usually stall some time in my computer chatting or listening to music at the last minute. So, anyways. I left home at 7:15.

Things I also left when I left: Our three Research papers, my Physics notebook, my English notebook, my only black ballpen, my report card, my Inferno book.

The Physics exam wasn't that bad, which was a miracle. I had enough time to study Inferno, eh. So, yeah, I left my English notebook!It wasn't that horrible though, I basically based all my answers in the English exam on tidbits from my classmates(Thanks!) and purely from memory(Not much help, I know). Mind you, I didn't miss that much in the exam. Bio came next and I was crestfallen. It was a crossword puzzle, and I was like "Oh, crap!". I'm pretty okay with puzzles when I wanted to do them, but obviously, I wasn't in the mood this time. I managed about 16 or 17, then dragged on to the next parts. At least Bio was better than the PEHCAT exam(Hm, I basically lost it during the exam).

So, yes the exams were over but it wsa so anticlimatic. I still had so many to do but I actually chose to nothing at all. Heh, I had 2 lab reports(not late, mind you) but I was so not in the mood that I basically forgot about them. So, I spent the rest of the day...well, I don't remember that well too because my head really hurts right now.

Oh, and one more thing. There was also an conjunctivitis mini-epidemic in the school. People actually wore shades and eye patches, which I thought was pretty cool until I realized they had sore eyes. I think I almost did caught the epidemic but I realized that was just because of me trying to rub of some morning crap on my eyes during Physics. I caught some other diseases though. I was basically starving all day, even if I did eat lunch. I also have a bad case of sore throat right now and I caught the colds.

I felt so sick that I refused to eat anything but one brownie in the Sci-Wings Christmas Party. Another saving grace was the gift I got from whoever gave me this(please tell me). He/she gave me a book. You should know, that of all the gifts you can give, a book is the most deeply appreciated since I'm kind of an avid reader myself. However, the problem with the books is that I read too fast, and the thrill ends when I finish it. It's not like a movie that I can watch all over again.

Heh, Friday's Christmas Party Day. I haven't bought anything yet, so I'm planning on shopping tomorrow if my stipend can handle it. Thank goodness that I have a pretty good idea on what to give them. They ask for the simplest things, wow!Anyways, to the one who picked me, you're going to have a gift alright because you ask for the simplest things. For the Pinoy Christmas Party, I basically owe this person a gift anyways, so you're lucky enough that I picked you, heh. And, for all the other people I owe gifts to, maybe I can't give you all your gifts but we have the break to exchange gifts.

And, for the one who I picked, the name's "...", scratch the RF CD, I downloaded the installer yesterday. Just buy me a DVD. Mind you, make it good, hah?One with replay value. Yes, and for the 150 and below Christmas Party, I don't know, actually. Just get me, something I can remember you by...that's below 150 pesos.

Tomorrow, I'd want to be bedrested by I have 2 lab reports and some Christmas shopping to do, so no bedrest for me. That's a bummer.

No deep thoughts today. All I'm thinking about is how much I'd like to get bedrested by now. My cough is awful.

'Til then.

Young.Beautiful.Talented

2007-12-08T00:48:00.001-08:00

Oh, am I kinda glad that I'm not talking about one lady.

I'm going to be honest here. What I usually look for in a movie is a talented actress with the added bonus of great assets, so to speak. Forgive me, I'm a guy after all! But, it's always talent over anything. I also tend to lean towards the younger lot too, I'm not one for ladies three times my age(hey, it's logical).

Here are some of the Silver Screen's more alluring vixens

1. Scarlett Johansson
Her name itself is a beauty. After getting to know this wonderful young actress, I've declared my affection for the color that shares her first name. You might recognize her from such films as The Prestige(playing Hugh Jackman's assistant) and The Spongebob Squarepants Movie(voiced Mindy). In her young career, she's been nominated for four Golden Globes and won a BAFTA for her performance as Charlotte, opposite Bill Murray, in Lost in Translation. She usually gets rave reviews and accolades for her performances no matter if it's in a supporting or leading role. It also doesn't hurt that she's a stunning lady who has a great on-screen presence. I could see her in finally winning the big one after her film Mary, Queen of Scots is released, I am expecting an epic performance from her and she rarely dissapoints. Her most recent film release is The Nanny Diaries, opposite Alicia Keys. At only 24, she defines "young and talented...all before 25"
Watch: Lost in Translation(2003)

2.Ellen Page
Who is Ellen Page, you might ask? Well, almost all could probably recognize her playing Kitty Pryde aka Shadowcat in the recent superhero flick X-Men: The Last Stand("Who's hiding, dickhead?") but, unknowingly so, she's established a reputation outside the mainstream movie industry. She's known as a top Independent Film star in Canada and a regular at the Toronto Film Festival. Now, that's one talented lady. I could describe her as having a 13-year old's face and innocence plastered into a 19-year old's body. She's certainly got that cute factor going on with her. Her most recent film Juno, in which she plays a teenager who's pregnant with her best friend's child, has catapulted her into the top of the Oscar heap. I'm surely hoping I can catch Juno and if the early buzz doesn't prove to be false at all, I'm going to murder some Academy members if she doesn't get at least an Oscar nod for her performance(Wait, no I can't). Oh, well: Here's to you, Ellen!
Watch: Hard Candy(2005)

3. Rachel McAdams
Just look at that hair, ladies and gentlemen! She's the guy's version of Patrick Dempsey(McDreamy indeed). She burst into the spotlight playing a cheerleader who switches lives with a common criminal(Rob Schneider) in The Hot Chick. Soon, she began to get better roles and put on better performance. In 2004, she played Regina George in the cult favorite Mean Girls(with Lindsay Lohan) and put on a memorable performance as young Allie Hamilton in the romantic movie based on a novel by Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook, opposite an equally astounding Ryan Gosling. Recently, she was in Wedding Crashers alongside Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn and in the thriller Red Eye. As I may have mentioned, she has a great look and talent to boot. Maybe, she's a bit too young to challenge the big guns for the Statue but I can bet, she's going to be up the someday.
Watch: The Notebook(2004)

4.Evan Rachel Wood
Forgive her manly first name and take a look at that form*. Barely 20, she's the youngest of this bunch. Yet, unlike most actresses her age, she is mature beyond her years. Our first major glimpse of her is in the science-fiction film S1m0ne alongside Al Pacino(No, she is not Simone). She would soon star in, what I believe is, her breakthrough film Thirteen as a troubled teenager. This performance earned her a Golden Globe Nomination Recently, she's starred in the comedy film King of California alongside Michael Douglas and in the raved musical film Across the Universe. At a tender age, she's already played a wide range of roles and has showed the most promise amongst other actresses of her age. Already, she's almost Kate Winslet-esque and could possibly be a future box office draw thanks to her great look and acting skills. Look for her to step it up a bit in the next few years and finally get that Oscar nomination, or even win.
Watch: Thirteen(2003)
*edited - due to colourblindness caused by monitor

5.Keira Knightley
Who doesn't know Keira Knightley?She made her film debut in Episode 1 of Star Wars. As she grew up, so did her acting prowess. She starred in the movie Bend it Like Beckham playing a tomboy soccer player. The movie was a success, and she soon starred in many more successes. She played Elizabeth Swann in the blockbuster trilogy of Pirates of the Caribbean. She displayed her range by playing different characters in Love Actually, King Arthur and Domino. She played Elizabeth Bennett in the movie Pride and Prejudice, which earned her an Oscar nomination. She's posed to be a perennial Oscar contender again this year judging from the early buzz and accolades of her performance in the film Atonement alongside another potential contender James McAvoy. I could guess this beauty's not stopping anytime soon, and look for her magnificent look to grace your Silver Screens anytime soon.
Watch:Pride and Prejudice(2005)

6.Natalie Portman
She's the classic example of the Beauty with the Brain. Early on, she prioritizes her studies over anything even the premiere of her movie: Episode 1 of Star Wars(prefering to study for her exams). Now, that's my kinda girl. She's also one of the few today who have an Erdos-Bacon number, which is a representation of how all-around she actually is. She first got recognition in the drama Anywhere but Here, alongside Susan Sarandon, which earned her first Golden Globe nomination. She finally won a Golden Globe for her portrayal of a stripper in the film Closer. She, then, starred in the highly-praised V for Vendetta in which she had to have her hair shaved off. Not to worry though, she's still one great-looking screen damsel with her shorter hair. Recently, she released a film with Dustin Hoffman called Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium and a romantic film My Blueberry Nights. No Oscar for her this year, but probably in the next few years, she'll get that statuette.
Watch: Closer(2004)

7.Amy Adams
Now we all pretty much know who Amy Adams is. Well, everyone who watched Enchanted do. In her career-defining performance, she practically passes off as the actual real-life fairytale princess Giselle. She completely dissapears in her role, and captivated the audience with such unexpected ease and on-screen presence. Not known to everyone is that she played stereotypical teen characters in her early films(Drop Dead Gorgeous, Cruel Intentions 2, Psycho Beach Party). She would proceed to blossom into more mature roles evident in her portrayal of Leonardo di Caprio's love interest in Catch Me if You Can. Her career hit a high-point when she played the sweet and pregnant Ashley in the film Junebug which earned her an Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actress. This year, she starred in Oscar contender Charlie Wilson's War and the aforementioned Enchanted. Don't be shocked if she actually gets a Golden Globe or an Oscar nomination for her transformation in Enchanted. She deserves it.
Watch: Junebug(2005)

8.Michelle Williams
And now, presenting some blonde goodness mixed with talent all for us to share. We might all recognize Michelle in the TV series Dawson's Creek playing Jen Lindsey from the inception up to the finale. For a few years, she's been in movies ranging from horrible to acceptable although her talent(as well as her beauty) will always be untouchable. She finally hit the jackpot in the drama Brokeback Mountain playing Heath Ledger's wife. She received a Golden Globe, BAFTA and Academy Award nomination for her role and catapulted her right into stardom. She went on to do movies like The Hawk is Dying and the Bob Dylan biopic I'm Not There. She's currently not doing anything big these days(with the exception of perhaps Synecdoche, New York) but expect her to effectively use her talent in future notable roles.
Watch: Brokeback Mountain(2005)

9.Emily Blunt
This little known British film starlet is also a classic example of Beauty and Brains. Her early career consisted of excellent performances in British television-made films and plays. Her breakthrough role was of Tamsin in the fairly controversial British film My Summer of Love which earned her accolades from the British audience and the world alike. She co-starred in the movie The Devil Wears Prada which stars Meryl Streep and Anne Hathaway. Her performance as Steep's other assistant Emily Charlton earned her a Golden Globe nomination for Best Supporting Actress. She eventually joined the cast of movies as Dan in Real Life and Charlie Wilson's War.Expect her to explore the realms of the art of supporting roles first, before she transitions back to leading roles. Maybe, in the next couple of years, she'll score some more supporting role nominations but anything can happen especially with someone as glamorous and talented as Miss Blunt. Oh, yes Michael Buble, I'd marry her right now, if I were you.
Watch: The Jane Austen Book Club(2007)

10. Anne Hathaway
She has got to be the cutest looking of this bunch. Anne combines her cute and innocent look with elegance and raw talent. Early in her career, she had already starred in a hit movie: The Princess Diaries in which she played Mia. She did pretty much did the same stuff as she had a starring role in Ella Enchanted and reprised her breakthrough role in The Princess Diaries 2: The Royal Engagement. 2005 and 2006 saw a change of landscape for the cute ole Anne, as she took more notable and mature roles evident in Brokeback Mountain and The Devil Wears Prada. Her acting style has been favourably compared to greats such as Kate Hepburn and Judy Garland. Not bad company to be compared with but sooner or later, she will blossom into her own as THE Anne Hathaway.
Watch:Becoming Jane(2007)
That's all. I've noticed I've made some statements there unbecoming of me but it's all for these wonderful young ladies who grace the Screen with their sheer elegance and talent.

Catch ya'll next time

Movies

2007-12-07T02:58:00.000-08:00

Surely, if you were to live as long as I did(16 years to be exact), you would have watched a thousand movies, by now.

Not me.

For me, going to the movies is a big thing. It's not something I do everyday. It's usually a planned occasion or date. It's not an everyday thing, it's a special thing.

So, usually, I proofread a movie before I watch it. Not believing me? Well, I once stood in front of the cinema pondering which movie to watch for a whole hour, maybe even two. What a waste of time, I know(Time does not equal money, hehe) but it just goes to show how careful I am with movies. Basically, watching a movie is always a risk. Will the 60 to 80 pesos or so, be worth it?

Of course, the theater isn't the only method I watch movies. Most of the time, I rent or buy DVD's. This has less risk, since the transaction for the movies occurs after I kinda studied what the buzz was all about.

Usually, I "study" movies by using the Internet. Rotten Tomatoes and IMDB are one of my favorite sites to visit whenever I'm bored or need a movie recommendation. I'm pretty aware of all of those great movies(like Citizen Kane, Gone with the Wind, The Godfather etc), but I don't have time to get those movies. Usually, I just study and watch what's coming to me.

I don't have a preference in genre.I'm pretty much open to anything:Romance, Comedy, Adventure, Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Epic, Teen, Documentary, Parody, Feel-Good: I'm up for anything as long as I know it's good.

Movies I enjoy
This is my favorite movie to watch. It's basically a feel-good movie about a man who's not so bright(Forrest Gump) as he tells his very intriguing life story to interested listeners in the park. Now, the intriguing thing in his life is that, although he's not that smart: He's actually accomplished so much(from being an All-American to receiving a medal of honor. He tells his story with such innocence that the audience can't help but be captivated and amused. Hanks' performance sucks you in and lets you almost literally see the world through the eyes of the lovable simpleton Forrest Gump. The comedy here is a fair lot of things happened in Forrest's lifetime whose signifance Forrest really has no clue of(like the Watergate scandal). All Forrest actually cares about is living up his life and his unconditional love for Jenny(Robin Wright). Along the way, he also meets the most interesting characters in Bubba and Lt. Dan. From here we get one true-to-life quotable quote: "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get".

One of the few recent Disney movies, I've actually enjoyed: Enchanted is a story of the fairytale princess(Amy Adams) who is banished to New York and falls in love with a lawyer(Patrick Dempsey) while her prince(James Mardsen), the evil queen(Susan Sarandon), the queen's doormat(Timothy Spall) and her chipmunk friend Pip also come to New York to get her.
Of note, in this film is Amy Adam's outstanding performance as Princess Giselle. She manages to portray a real-life Disney princess really well, and I hope that she at least gets an Oscar nod this year. Overall, the movie was pretty much predictable all the way, but it doesn't have to be unpredictable to be enjoyed. I even hoped for no plot twists so as to actually enjoy the film for what it is. This, of course, is very much a recent release but I would say that this is the breakthrough film that Disney needed to pull it back to the position it was before that infamous slump of Disney movies.

This is one half of the pair of blockbuster dramatic turns that Jim Carrey did in the late 90's. The movie is about Truman Burbank, a man who has been part of a television show since he was born. Accordingly called "The Truman Show", the TV series documents every single day of Truman's life without him knowing it. Millions of viewers witness sections of Truman's life including meeting his first love and the staged drowning of his father. As Truman grows to be a man, he grows suspicious of his life and begins to speculate more and more when he notices slips from the TV show(like seeing his "long-dead" father). I always liked it whenever an actor does a very good movie of another genre. Carrey's long been known to play a goofball on the screen, but here he transforms into a very likeable ordinary character with a unique problem. This movie made believers out of critics and Carrey soon won the 1999 Golden Globe for Best Actor-Drama. This is truly a unique movie that I would highly recommend for you to see.

New Blog

2007-12-07T02:24:00.000-08:00

Quite obviously, I have a new blog. I still have my old blog in Xanga(and I'm still going to write there occasionally, I think) but I'm going to use this account a lot more especially after exams.

Anyways, this is not really the media blog I was talking about. It's basically a mixture of personal stuff and some other stuff in my life(like movies and music). Occasionally, I'm going to feature a movie or an artist or a signifcant person I look up to. Note that in regards to featuring a person who means much to me in a personal level in this blog has chances next to none, so don't bet on it. I will, however, leave some subtle references.

And, I'm not going to post my lab reports online, thank you very much.

Do read my first post under this entry. And also, of course, read my entries from this point on if you have the time.

Regret

2007-12-07T01:47:00.000-08:00

Every one of us isn't an exception from one of the many things that make us human: guilt. Generally, we feel guilty for a lot of things and when we dwell and think about our guilt, we regret.

I regret.

I regret so many things in my life right now. No matter how I present myself to you, I'm still being bothered by the things that I've done in my past. I haven't exactly had a perfect high school life, yes. My family life isn't the best, and my relationships with some people are on the rocks. I'm not going to mention anything but I've hurt too many people. It's not like I was insensitive for one time. I was insensitive for so many times, I can't possible recount everything I've done wrong.

I, honestly, even regret not trying hard enough at school. I know what I'm capable of, and that's one of the bases of whatever pride I have left in myself. See I've often thought of everyone in our batch to all be equally smart, the only difference of people like me and the guys up there in the DL, is actual effort. Obviously, I wasn't really one of those guys who exerted a lot of effort in my studies.

I regret that.

I regret that I've changed. It's not that I didn't change for the better: I think I kinda did. But, I didn't compensate enough. Yes, my grades were up. Yes, I was back to my old self but I left out some of my character in the process of changing. I kinda got more insensitive and tactless as a result. I've changed some of my philosophies (say, drastically) to not-so-pleasant results.

So, yes I regret some of the changes I made.

So, there you go. I know the past can't be done again. All I can do is change the present for the future. I'm not going to do anything cheesy and say sorry all over my blog. I'm going to do it one at a time, at the right time.

There is, however, one thing I will never regret doing and that is my thoughtful nature, which kinda gets to me everytime.